


Learning Curves

by The_idea_master



Category: AtLA - Fandom, Avatar - Fandom, Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/F, continues into lok era, maiko, other characters may appear later, tyzula - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 07:26:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14786072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_idea_master/pseuds/The_idea_master
Summary: Set after the war, when Azula's mental health is being tested, and most of our heroes have gone separate ways. However, they've reconvened at the Fire Nation Palace and Zuko, unbeknownst to Azula, has invited Ty Lee in hopes that the acrobat can heal Azula’s old wounds. Only, Azula, isn't enthused by her brother’s hopes. She's grown used to isolation and her own loneliness. There will definitely be learning curves ahead for both an acrobat and a princess.(Note: There are mentions of suicidal thoughts and self harm so please read at your own discretion and be safe my friends!)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1: Reunions

"Again." Azula ordered hands poised to intercept any of Aang's attacks. The Avatar nodded and moved swiftly, jets of fire arching from his palms. 

Azula was still quicker. Breaking the  attack she moved in to penetrate his defenses. Aang struggled under  the intense barrage of blue flames. The Avatar just barely stepped out of the way to avoid getting his robes singed. With a grunt he leapt, spinning in the air, and sending a sharp wave of fire at the princess. 

The hit nearly landed but she leapt lithely out of the way. Sighing Aang straightened. He'd come to the fire nation with his friends to better his training, he never expected to take on his former enemy as a tutor, yet here he was. 

Azula had gradually gotten better over time with the help of her brother, mother, and friends. Part of the deal allowing her war crimes to be absolved was that she had to find ways to make up for her past wrong doings. This was one of them. 

The skirmish went on for another moment or two until Aang was flat on his back a flaming foot inches from his face. 

"Not bad. That's good enough for today." Azula took a step back allowing the Avatar to clamber to his feet. 

"Thank you." Aang gave her a curt bow before turning to his friends who had crowded on the court yard steps to watch. 

"She kicked your butt buddy." Sokka mused laying casually on the steps with a hand shielding his face from the sun. 

"But," Katara interrupted, "You've definitely gotten better. Your fire bending's improved ten fold." 

"Thanks sweetie." Aang smiled. 

"I don't know twinkle toes, you're good but not great. Don't get an ego." Toph called to him from where she was carefully bending a piece of metal. 

"You're one to talk about egos Toph." Aang rolled his eyes. "How about we go inside it's hot out here." 

"I like that idea." Sokka eagerly got to his feet and stretched his arms over his head. "To the shade!" 

He and Toph made quick work of heading inside while Aang and Katara walked slowly hand in hand in a deep conversation. Azula however, remained outside. She never disliked the heat. She enjoyed it, the feeling of sweat when she worked only ensured she was working hard. That was the point, if you didn't work hard why even bother putting in any effort at all? 

Standing in the empty courtyard she paced about striking down phantom enemies with strikes of blue fire. With each combo she carefully dodged invisible attacks. To an onlooker it seemed silly but to her it wasn't. The game was vivid in her head. 

Each enemy stood prominent with different abilities. For instance the earth bender to her right. They knew how to move the earth to create very subtle differences between one's feet. Just enough to throw off an attack. Azula had to carefully evaluate and adjust according to these shifts, imaginary or not, it was how you'd survive the duel. 

Zuko stood inside watching from the window. His sister was very fit, the deadliest fire bender to ever exist in the nation, but he worried she worked herself too hard. Of course, he knew it served as a distraction for her, it kept her head clear of unwanted thoughts. Still, he worried. 

"Is she in the courtyard again?" Mai questioned, joining Zuko in his observations. 

"Yes." He nodded, watching as Azula attacked fiercely, her face a blank slate in the eye of conflict. She never gave anything away. 

"It's been three years since her recovery; you would think she'd smile." Mai sighed. Despite the past transgressions with her friend, she still felt attached to Azula. The girl who was once fourteen was now a young adult approaching nineteen years of age. She should be living a happier life, but she wasn't. 

"Mother talked about bringing Ty Lee here, maybe with the three of you together it would spur some good memories instead of bad ones." Zuko explained, but Mai shook her head. 

"Azula doesn't want to see her and Ty Lee is busy with Suki and the other Kyoshi Warriors. Besides, Azula's hardly forgiven me for betraying her. She's even more resentful of Ty Lee for chi blocking her." Zuko glanced at his girlfriend and wrapped an arm gently around her waist. 

"I know. Just a thought." Zuko smiled kissing her temple. "Maybe we don't have to tell her." 

"I'm all for making her happy again -and you can do as you please- I just worry about repercussions." Mai noted resting her head on Zuko's shoulder. 

"I'll think about it. I'll inform you of my decision." He promised. 

Azula stayed outside well into the evening and only entered the palace upon her brother's insistence. She showed up for dinner like always but she remained quiet. She was much more of an observer nowadays than she ever had been before. 

She watched the others laugh and smile. Of course, she was glad they all got along, it was nice to see. The way Sokka and Toph drove Katara insane. Or how Aang and Zuko would get jabbering about politics. Mai and Ursa making small talk. They were a big family. 

Only Azula felt like she was watching from behind a thin film of glass. Not quite there. Not quite part of it. This, she knew, was for a reason. She had tried to destroy them. She couldn't really blame them for a reluctance to let their guards down around her. 

So she ate like usual, a small portion of what had been served, and disappeared without anyone noticing. Once in her room she would read until she couldn't keep her eyes open any more.

Most nights she forgot to shower and was reminded by a servant. Of course Azula knew she had to take better care of herself but she didn't necessarily feel like it all the time. 

What she didn't know, however, was that Zuko did intend on bringing Ty Lee to the palace. He wanted the three girls to have a reunion, it was time to heal old wounds. It would be good for all of them. It may even make Mai a bit happier than she already was. 

Besides, if he was being honest, he did miss the bubbly girl just a tiny bit. It would do some good for the palace to be a bit more lively. So that night he stayed awake and drafted the invitation before sending it off via messenger hawk. All Zuko needed was a reply. 

He didn't have to wait long. The response was sent the next morning before he'd even had a chance to prepare himself for the day. Taking the scroll from the hawk and petting it gently for a moment Zuko turned to his desk. Sitting down he unrolled it eager to see the response. 

Dear Zuko, 

It's nice to hear from you. I'm glad things are going well for you back home, after all that happened, you deserve it, a lot. Mai seems to be happier from what you say-which is absolutely wonderful! I know you guys had some trouble but it's sweet you worked it out. And to answer your question I'm doing quite fine on the island. It's nice, small, peaceful, but I do miss home a bit. So I've decided to take you up on your offer and spend a day or two in the palace. If anything, to catch up with Mai. I bet she has some stories to share, although I'll probably do most of the talking. Anyways, I'll see you soon. Keep ruling Zuzu you're doing a good job. 

~ Ty Lee 

Smiling Zuko shook his head and tucked the paper in a drawer of his desk. "Ty Lee still hasn't changed a bit I bet." 

With that in mind Zuko finished getting ready and discovered Mai reading in the garden about...weaponry? Well, she did like sharp objects. 

"What is it you're reading about today? Swords, axes, spears?" Zuko smiled sitting next to her. 

"Butterfly knives actually." Mai informed holding up a picture of the carefully crafted blades. 

"Funny people name deadly objects nice things like butterflies." Zuko chuckled. "Anyways, I can to tell you I sent for Ty Lee. She responded quickly. She's coming here for a day or two. She seems really excited to catch up with you." 

Mai smile which was a rare sight, "Isn't she always excited?"

"Oh yes, but something tells me she'll be more excited than ever. Just reading her letter makes it seem like she's hardly changed." Zuko sighed leaning into Mai. 

"We all have at least a little. Ty Lee's tougher than she looks. Maybe she's changed the least out of all of us." Mai noted taking Zuko's hand. The two stayed in the garden for some time in the early morning, enjoying the cooler air. 

At one point Sokka came into the garden to practice throwing his boomerang; which was a funny thing to watch. Katara found him and he attempted to teach her how it worked. That didn't end well. 

Mai being a master at such things just watched with a look of amusement. "Instead of smiling you could help them." 

"That takes away the fun." She replied earning a playful roll of the eyes from Zuko. 

"Boo." Zuko startled turning around to see his sister perched in the tree branch over head. 

"Don't do that!" Zuko frowned watching the slight hint of a smile twitch at Azula's lips. "How long have you been there?"

"Before sunrise." She explained, crouched like a panther, but appearing perfectly comfortable. "Isn't that right Mai?"

"Mhm." Mai nodded now focused back on her reading. 

"You should be more observant Zuko. It's not good to have people surprise you." Azula meant it. If her brother wasn't more observant he could be killed rather easily. Then again, he shouldn't be paranoid, but a bit more of a heightened awareness would serve him well. 

"Thankfully, it's just you." He sighed turning back to watch Sokka and Katara. 

"You used to think otherwise." Azula noted climbing higher with ease. 

"That was then. This is now." Zuko called up to her. He didn't earn a response and had lost sight of her. He only hoped his sister hadn't heard his little admission about inviting Ty Lee to the palace. 

Azula was once again the last in the courtyard. Others may have gotten bored with how many times she'd explored it but the place was full of endless opportunities. For instance; Azula loved all the things she could climb. 

The trees, the light posts, the walls, the roofs. She knew it drove others crazy but it was freeing. So she stood balancing on one of the shaded structures in the center of the courtyard. The shingled roof reaching a point topped with an intricate metal design. 

She climbed up with ease and balanced very carefully on the uppermost point. The breeze ruffled her hair and clothes but it felt nice. Sure, she could fall, but there were ways to lighten the impact.

"Azula must you always climb up there?" The princess opened her eyes and glanced down at her mother and Kiyi who had accompanied her into the courtyard and garden. 

"Sorry mother." Bowing her head Azula swiftly made her way down. 

"Woah!" Kiyi, now much older, looked at Azula with awe. "I'm gonna be that cool one day." 

"I'm sure." Azula gave a very faint smile. "Did you have lessons today? How did they go?"

"Awesome!" Kiyi smiled puffing out her chest. 

"Good." Azula nodded glancing up to see a fond look in her mother's eyes. "Well, I better go, there's always a new corner to the library." 

"Azula dear." Ursa reached out and gently caught Azula's arm. "You know it's okay to socialize. All you do is read in your room and work on your bending. You're much more than your skills and studies." 

"I know." Azula nodded gently pulling her arm away. "But it's how I feel comfortable." 

Ursa left her be and didn't see her daughter again until dinner that evening. Even then she hardly talked to Azula who was always more interested in what was going on than actually joining the conversation. 

Though, Zuko, was unusually absent. His seat remained oddly open and it was causing speculation. Azula was nearly done with her evening 'socializing' when she heard the familiar pattern of feet on the floor despite the loud chaos at the table. 

Her ears had always been sharp, all of her senses were primed, having been turned into a weapon everything about her had to be sharp. Zuko rounded the corner a figure in tow. One Azula knew well. 

All conversation at the table died down upon the entrance of the two friends. Azula in her panic to leave stood abruptly from the table. Smacking her knee as she stood. Nearly everyone turned to look at her but before anyone spoke she turned curtly on her heel and strode off in the direction of her room. 

"Drama." Sokka mumbled to Toph who stifled a laugh. 

"Well look who it is." Mai said studying Ty Lee. The girl was much taller and had grown into her former curves making her appear much thinner than before. More athletic if it was even possible. Otherwise, her appearance was the same. 

"Mai!" Ty Lee smiled brightly bouncing on the balls of her feet. "It's been ages. Look at you! You're so pretty." 

Zuko laughed and took his seat while the two girls embraced. Ty Lee's attention quickly shifted to the others. "Hello Avatar, nice to see you. Your tattoos are still awesome. Sokka, looking spry. Toph, still tough as steel I bet?"

"You know it Pinky." Toph smiled brightly. 

"Katara, how's the water tribe?" Ty Lee asked. 

"Great! We're repairing and growing. It's amazing." Katara sighed dreamily. 

"Wonderful." Ty Lee clapped her hands together. 

"You do know you can sit." Ursa mused. 

"Oh, I know. I already ate so I'm not that hungry. I'm actually quite tired." Ty Lee admitted. 

"Tired? You don't even know what the word means." Sokka said, pointing a fork at the chi blocker with a hunk of meat on the end. 

"Oh believe me, she only gets more exciteable when tired." Mai explained. "Come on, I'll show you to a room." 

"Thanks Mai, you're the best." The two girls walked off together, but Zuko was beginning to wonder if his decision had been a good one considering his sister's reaction. He hoped so. He hated seeing her so lonely and lost looking. She needed something to brighten things up for her. If anyone could do that, it was Ty Lee. That much he knew.


	2. Making Up

A harsh knock sounded on Zuko's door later that night. He knew who it was even before he opened the door, but he permitted his sister entrance anyways. Her expression was one of fury, though he didn't want to be on the receiving end, it was good to see her showing some form of emotion. 

"What were you thinking?" Azula demanded, after a moment of enraged pacing. 

"You need help." He sighed crossing his arms and turning to face his sister.

"I don't need help! I've already gotten help." Azula hissed, eyes alive with a fire of their own. "That's why I'm not in prison anymore. So you can stop trying to fix me."

"Azula, you don't talk to anyone, you don't smile, all you do is read and practice your bending. I miss you, the old you. Before father got his hands on you. We used to play and smile; have fun." Zuko couldn't help but smile at the memories. 

"Maybe I like it that way. It's not your decision to dictate how I feel or how I act. I like being by myself." Azula straightened to her full height glaring up into her brother's eyes. "Accidents don't happen when I'm by myself. And as far as old memories go, it's the past. Things are different now and you better start accepting it. I am not the innocent girl I used to be."

"You don't give yourself a chance. You believe you're a bad person Azula and as long as you believe that, you'll never be happy." Zuko attempted to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder but Azula was quick to bat it away. 

"I am a bad person Zuko." She glared at him for another moment and made a move to leave when there was another knock on the door. 

"Come in." Zuko called. The door opened hesitantly and Ty Lee peered inside a bit bashfully. At first she didn't seem to notice Azula but once she did her expression shifted to one Zuko couldn't read. 

"If I'm interrupting something I can come back later." She gave a timid smile trying to ease the clear tension. 

"We were having a chat, nothing more." Azula replied bluntly. Zuko noticed the way she crossed her arms and held herself with incredible dignity. It was different from her usual posture, the way she'd seemed so relaxed and deadly. This was stiff, protective. 

"I see." Ty Lee nodded, carefully stepping inside and holding the door open for Azula. 

"Well I hope you enjoy your stay. I'm rather busy." Azula walked stiffly past the chi blocker and out the door closing it sharply behind herself. 

"Listen, if I've done something wrong, and if it's going to make things bad here- I can leave." Ty Lee turned to Zuko having watched Azula leave. 

"No, you're fine." Zuko promised. "Give her time. She's not eager to move past everything that happened. "

"She believes she's still a bad person doesn't she?" Ty Lee asked leaning on the wall. 

"Yes." Zuko nodded. 

"You know it was never either of your faults." Zuko tilted his head finding it odd the girl wasn't bubbly but serious for once. "When you're young like that you're susceptible to manipulation. Ozai re-wired her head, and yours." 

"I know." Zuko smiled thinly. "But I don't think she's willing to give up on him yet." 

"What do you mean?" Ty Lee asked, confusion clouding her features. 

"I think a part of her deep down inside still believes that Father might have cared about her. How I used to feel about him." Zuko explained. 

"But that's not true. He cared about no one besides ruling the world. He just tried to turn you two into his weapons." Ty Lee frowned her eyebrows creasing together. 

"Indeed. Still, she'll have to come to the conclusion herself." A moment of silence passed between the two of them before Zuko continued. "You know, rather than avoiding one another you should talk to her. It may be a difficult conversation but I think it's necessary. One way or another." 

"Fine, tomorrow then." Ty Lee promised. With that Zuko escorted her back to her room and returned to his own. Running a hand over his face he was more than eager to crawl into bed. This whole idea may have been more stressful than he intended. Still, he believed there was good that would come from it. 

One way or another, whether the bond was healed or not, things would fix themselves. Thinking about his decisions for a moment or two longer it took him some time to ease his mind before falling asleep. 

Azula, however, didn't sleep at all that night. How in the world could he do such a thing? Zuko of all people had to ruin everything she had going for her. Everything she'd finally put together for herself. Azula waited impatiently for the morning to come and at last she climbed out of bed and slunk outside going unspotted. 

The air was much cooler in the morning than in the day. The chill was always nice, it woke her up, numbed her a bit. After a moment Azula began her games again. Fighting those invisible opponents until not a single one of them remained standing. 

The sun would be teetering on the horizon soon enough. Then her power would be stronger. Not a single thing would be able to stop her, imaginary or not. Panting, Azula stopped in her attacks in an attempt to catch her breath.

Her legs stung and her throat was dry but they were familiar feelings. Blinking sweat from her eyes Azula abandoned bending for the moment to sharpen up on her acrobatics. Combining the two made her twice as deadly. 

Azula was lithe and capable of doing nearly anything she set her mind to but bending was first and acrobatics was second. The latter being a bit more foreign and thus resulting in many more mistakes. 

"I see you remember how to double tuck." Azula stiffened glancing over her shoulder to see Ty Lee balancing on the edge of a planter box, feet in the air, arms acting as legs. The perfect hand stand. 

Azula said nothing and did her best to focus back on the task at hand. She imagined projectiles thrown her way and commenced ducking and weaving, flipping, rolling, diving, every which way to avoid them. 

What surprised her however, was when Ty Lee suddenly leapt in front of her and threw a quick punch. Azula, acting on instinct, blocked the attack. Her eyes widened for a split second before narrowing into slits. 

Ty Lee gave her a coy little smile which only caused Azula's blood to boil. In anger her palm ignited a bright blue and Ty Lee glanced down at the silent threat. Azula expected her to back off but instead the acrobat lashed out at her once again. 

Azula leapt easily out of the way and spun striking back. Blue fire raced towards her former friend who ducked underneath it. Azula didn't let up, she wanted to be alone and Ty Lee refused to leave her be. 

The acrobat was kept dancing due to Azula's persistent attacks; hardly able to get close at all, but they were both skilled at their craft. At last, Ty Lee took her opportunity to step in close to the princess, and with quick successive hits, disabled her bending. 

With a growl Azula fell to her knees arms weak and chest aching from effort. Still the damn acrobat just looked at her with a smug amusement. 

"Familiar isn't it?" Azula asked expression harsh. 

"Yes." Ty Lee agreed and sat cross legged in front of the other girl. "I figured we should talk without you possibly melting my face." 

"I don't want to talk." Azula snapped struggling to her feet. 

"Maybe you don't want to, but maybe you need to." Ty Lee countered standing as well and stepping in front of the princess. 

"You have no value to me anymore." Azula glared up at Ty Lee not used to the height difference. "You lost all respect ages ago." 

"Yet you forgive Mai?" That question Azula hadn't expected to come from Ty Lee. 

"There is a difference." 

"Is there?" The acrobat questioned. 

"Yes, I have no choice, she's someone I will see everyday as long as she and my brother remain romantically involved." That was the only explanation Azula was willing to give. 

"Really? That's your answer. Or is there something more?" Azula wasn't used to being on the receiving end of such a smug and stoic person. She was used to dictating conversations and she certainly didn't like this role reversal. 

"Mai was always distant, it's easier." 

"I didn't see you as the type of person to take easy over difficult. What happened to liking a challenge?" Azula wanted to smack the girl in front of her. The way her eyebrows were arched infuriated her. 

"I have no reason to answer you. Now move." Azula made an attempt to step around Ty Lee but the acrobat simply flipped back in front of her. "I command you to move." 

"Sorry princess but I don't take orders from you anymore." Ty Lee shrugged. "I don't understand why it's so hard for you to talk. You used to be wonderful at making speeches." 

"What will it take for you to leave me alone?" Azula snarled, her clenched fists smoking. 

"An explanation. As to why you hate me. I can take it. I've dealt with your harshness before- it's nothing knew. I'd just like to know why." Ty Lee shrugged as if it were that simple. It wasn't simple. It had never been simple. Azula hardly knew herself until she'd thought long and hard about everything. 

"Fine. You want to know why I hate you? It's because I trusted you. More than Mai. Always." Azula crossed her arms and straightened to her full height. The confession seemed to surprise Ty Lee. "I expected her to betray me for the sake of my stupid brother. I knew it was coming. But you, you surprised me. I never calculated your move." 

"Azula, that was ages ago." Ty Lee laughed. "I thought you'd have moved past it by now." 

"What you don't understand, Ty Lee, is that you not only acted against me but you chi blocked me. Something you only reserved for enemies." The slow realization of the meaning behind her actions began to dawn on Ty Lee's face. "Even when we were younger Mai spent most of her time staring at Zuko. We were close but, you were the one who helped my schemes. Who explored this damned palace with me. You made it quite clear at the boiling rock where we would stand from then on. Enemies. Not friends." 

"That's ridiculous!" Ty Lee shook her head. "Azula, did you ever think of seeing it from my point of view?"

"I don't see why I had to." 

"You were going to kill Mai. I wasn't going to stand there and let you do that. Have that blood on your hands and later regret it. Besides, she's my friend too and I have the right to protect her. Your judgement was impaired." Ty Lee explained, walking alongside a very angry Azula who was trying to make her way back to the palace- alone. 

"Maybe you're right." Azula admitted, pausing in her tracks to stare at the other girl with a heated gaze. "But you were the one person I knew I could count on when Mai, my brother, my mother, and my father failed. But I was wrong, and I never saw it coming, that's what makes it worse, because maybe I don't know you as well as I think I do." 

"I'm still the same person." Ty Lee insisted. "Listen 'Zula-"

"Don't call me that!" Azula yelled this time. Her hands burst into flames. 

"Azula, if you want an apology, I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You're still my friend and I still care about you. I care about you and Mai because you are the people I grew up with. I was closer with you than my own family. Please, just give me a chance to make up for it."

Azula scowled and Ty Lee thought for a brief moment she was going to be burned to a crisp. "I don't know what you expect from me, but fine. Consider us friends."

"Thank you." Ty Lee sighed in relief, her voice uncharacteristically soft. "I really am sorry." 

"Sorry changes nothing, I would know, I'm still a criminal." Azula replied stepping inside. 

"You're not you know. A criminal, I mean. That wasn't you, that was the person your father made." Azula paused, intrigued by what the girl had to say. "This time, the second chance you have, is a way for you to be the person you never got to be. To be happy and excitable, anything you want. More than a strategist and bender. You get to be Azula not just the princess." 

Azula lingered a moment longer before leaving Ty Lee outside. She knew the acrobat was right but the problem was Azula didn't want to change. She didn't know anything else but who she was now. Cold and harsh. She liked it that way and in all honesty she was scared to let her guard down. 

Practically everyone Azula had ever known had taken advantage of her at some point. She intended for it to never happen again.


	3. United Forces

"Zuko, I can't help but worry that perhaps you've made a mistake." Ursa frowned, wringing her hands together. She'd observed the way the two girls had acted around one another and though she didn't quite understand; it was clear there was serious history. "I don't want this to cause Azula any more pain than she's already been through." 

Zuko was about to reply when he heard angry footsteps and turned to see his sister storm inside Ty Lee following shortly behind. He waved the acrobat over and she happily obliged. 

"Is everything alright?" He questioned. 

"Yeah. We talked a bit." Ty Lee nodded. "I think she's just trying to sort through some things. Nothing to worry about. It happens to all of us. Like the time I was in the circus and then taking over the world." 

Zuko found it funny how she mentioned trying to dominate the world so casually, but that was Ty Lee. "Alright. Just making sure. Perhaps you could tell her that maybe tonight wouldn't be a good night to accompany us to dinner. I'm having...wonderful guests-"

Ty Lee immediately picked up on his sarcasm about these particular guests. "Say no more. I'll share the news, but it probably won't work. She's stubborn." 

"We all are it seems." Ursa mused with a sigh. 

"Human nature. What can ya do?" Ty Lee smiled. "Anyways, gotta blast." 

Zuko shook his head wearing a small smile as the pink clad girl ran off full of enthusiasm. He wondered if she ever ran out of energy. Better yet, if it were even possible. 

"Maybe there isn't so much to worry about." Ursa admitted. 

"Maybe not." Zuko agreed.

\---  
"First they drag me to dinner for socialization and now they insist I do not go?" Azula growled, her eyebrows arching steeply as she glared up from her book at Ty Lee. 

"Apparently there's important people coming-"

"And they don't want me ruining the evening." Azula finished with a bitter laugh. 

"Well, that's what they think, I on the other hand think maybe it'd be good to go." Ty Lee shrugged hesitantly sitting on the edge of Azula's desk and observing the girl's work. She'd illustrated countless maps full of battle strategies that would most likely never be used. 

"Well I'm glad, because I'm going just out of spite. Besides, I know who will be there. The servants aren't quiet." Azula grumbled picking up a book and glancing at the cover. 

"Who?" Ty Lee questioned. 

"Generals. All of whom Zuko has appointed. They're inexperienced and naive. Not a single one has seen battle." Azula explained flicking through the books pages and making an important note on tactics for arctic tundra. 

"Isn't that because Zuko wanted young visionaries not associated with your father?" Ty Lee attempted to approach that subject carefully but by Azula's frown, she thought that perhaps she'd overstepped her boundaries. 

"Generals do as they're told whether they agree or not." The words came out bitter and sharp. "A choice isn't always offered for some. Good people are now out of jobs because of Zuko. Legends who understand the intricacies of war and calculation. You can't condemn an army for their ruler." 

"Wise." Ty Lee smiled slightly, though she knew Azula spoke from experience as well. 

"Not so wise as it is honest."

"Maybe you can educate them a bit at the meal." Ty Lee suggested. 

"Why do you care so much about my affairs? Whether I go or not?" Azula demanded. She had, to an extent, forgiven Ty Lee for past actions but it didn't make these encounters any less infuriating. The girl was insistent, almost like a pest, and Azula wanted to drive her off. She could never think, never focus, with the acrobat so close. Always interrupting her. 

"Like I said before; you're my friend. I haven't forgotten simpler times Azula, and I haven't forgotten the rare occasions you treated me with respect." Azula noted a determined and firm glint in Ty Lee's eyes. 

"What times? As far as I'm concerned my past indicated I was a cynical little girl." 

"You were, to an extent; but sometimes you were human too." Ty Lee sighed frustrated by her friend's stubbornness. "Don't you remember? Any of them?"

"Like what? The time I held your hand at a party because you couldn't handle the attention of boys?" Azula quipped with an almost sneer. "I remember quite well." 

"Other times. For instance the time my fish died when I was little and you replaced it before I noticed?" Ty Lee questioned. 

"Who told you that?" Azula frowned. Ty Lee hadn't been the wiser about that situation at all. 

"Zuko. Not long ago." Ty Lee smiled in humor noticing Azula's slight irritation that she'd discovered the princess' kind action. 

"Remind me to do what I never did and kill him." Came the grumbled response as Azula began to put her things away. 

"You don't mean that." Ty Lee shook her head and got to her feet. 

"Sometimes I believe I do." Azula admitted turning her attention back to Ty Lee who now stood with arms raised overhead stretching like a cat. The girl was always so flexible but what others neglected to notice was the elastic but strong muscles beneath porcelain skin. 

Ty Lee had thinned out a bit, at least Azula noticed she had, not that she minded the way she was before. "So are you coming or not?"

Azula blinked and shook her head. "Uh yes I suppose I can. Weren't you supposed to encourage me not to?"

"Oh yeah." Ty Lee shrugged. "I don't always listen." 

The acrobat winked at Azula and turned to leave. "Well, it appears we've noticed that." 

It was a bit of an underhanded comment but Ty Lee didn't respond. They had somewhat sorted out issues from the boiling rock, but it didn't make her comments any less painful. 

Sighing, Azula ran a hand down her face and began to think just what exactly she'd committed to. In fact, she hadn't minded staying put, she liked being by herself. Well, it was too late now; she was stuck going. 

Shaking her head she stood and began to straighten her appearance to at least be somewhat presentable. She needed to look poised when those new generals saw her. They needed to be intimidated, weak at the knees, she needed to radiate power. 

\---

That night at dinner the guests arrived one by one. As Azula had said, Ty Lee noticed they were all young, with youthful auras that didn't radiate a deadly bone in their bodies. She sat at the end with an empty chair on each side. One for Iroh if he cared to join and the other for Azula who wasn't technically supposed to appear. 

Of course, there was also the Avatar and his friends, who were leaving after tomorrow, but Zuko had invited them to dinner anyways. Not that Ty Lee wasn't used to a crowded table. She had a large family, it was second nature by now. 

Everyone slowly got settled and the food was served. A polite chatter filled the room as politics and war were saved for dessert. Ty Lee smiled and talked briefly with Sokka who she always found amusing. 

"So don't ever try and tame a Polar Beardog. Those things will bite you where the sun don't shine." He noted waving his fork for emphasis. 

"Sokka if the animal is known for biting why would you even go near it?" Katara frowned. 

"Cause meat head wanted to meet his kind." Toph joked smiling proudly about her joke. 

"Hey!" Sokka scoffed. 

"I agree Sokka." Ty Lee laughed. "You do eat like an animal." 

"Now you sound like my sister." He pouted resting his chin in his hand. The conversation shifted to a different topic and Ty Lee found herself distracted and didn't quite notice that all conversation had calmed to a hush. 

The sound of a chair grating on the floor broke her out of her daze. She turned to see Azula poised as ever sit down with perfectly straight and indignant posture. From across the table Zuko shot Ty Lee a look but the girl just shrugged and pretended to be confused. 

Chatter slowly picked up until the Avatar and his gang left to prepare to for their travels. With Zuko bidding them goodnight the discussions shifted once more. 

"I hope you all know why I've gathered you." Zuko leaned forward expectantly and each young general nodded in understanding. "Good. With the earth colonies and Aang's plan to unite them in a new city, full of intermingling origins, ideas, and nations, it will need protection." 

"Insurgent forces won't like the idea considering nationalistic beliefs." Mai sighed tapping her fingers on the table. "Everyone is still stuck in an individualists' mindset. My nation, or no nation." 

"Which is why Aang wants the colonies to be the first public place where all people can be happily themselves." Zuko continued. "It would become a symbol across the nations for what the future could be. Now, I want to know your ideas, how you believe we can go about keeping such lands secure from outside threats." 

A long silence fell over the table as the generals thought long and hard. Ty Lee noticed the gleam in Azula's eyes as the girl slowly ate a small portion of food. Her eyes flicked across each general's face and she knew that they were being torn open under her gaze. 

Azula would know more about them than anyone else simply by observing. At last, one general spoke up. 

"We can train new operatives here in the fire nation and transport them to the colonies. They can temporarily occupy the territories." Ty Lee didn't see anything wrong with that idea until she noticed Azula's dissatisfaction. 

Zuko actually glanced to his sister and upon seeing her expression politely rejected the idea. For someone who didn't want Azula there, he was certainly relying on her. The suggestions continued until Azula couldn't take it anymore and rose to her feet. 

Surprised expressions filled the room. Most specifically from Ursa and Zuko. Azula didn't talk at dinner, Azula didn't stand and make herself noticed. But Ty Lee knew this was her element. This was where Azula felt most comfortable. 

"I propose a military force not powered by mere firenation soldiers." This earned disgruntled looks but Ty Lee was curious. Azula held up a hand keeping the generals from interjecting. "The Avatar wants the colonies to be a united force, then the colonies need a united military. Otherwise, it will be seen as another fire nation occupation. People won't easily forget what's happened here and they will be defensive. We need properly trained individuals from all nations able to supply young men and women. We will need to train an active military force using these individuals to protect the waters. We are not talking of a mere land piece. This means all imports and exports while the colonies are being industrialized. This means all important persons going to and from the colonies such as ambassadors or the Avatar himself." 

Ty Lee noticed a slight smile forming on Zuko's lips as he watched his sister who placed her hands firmly on the table leaning forward. Her gold eyes dared anyone to interrupt. "A United Forces meant to preserve the ideas of freedom and protection amongst all nations." 

Silence settled over the entire room as the young generals looked wide eyed at Azula who had stolen their chance to claim fame. 

"I think that's a wonderful idea. I'm in."  Ty Lee smiled excitedly and caught the faint twitch of Azula's lips at her words. 

"Then it's settled." Zuko smiled. "Azula, you will guide these generals and be in charge of all international connections regarding this development. This is your project. I trust you'll do the best you can with it." 

Ursa sat watching her two eldest children with admiration and pride. Mai was trying to hide a smirk behind her cup. Zuko seemed beyond proud and a bright gleam flickered in his eyes. 

"Oh brother." Azula smirked eyes narrowing into a look that could kill anyone. "You know I'll do far better than that."


	4. Proposition

Azula was thankful for the new project. It was a distraction that was well needed. She spent an entire week locked away in her room writing letter after letter. They were sent all across the nations requesting volunteers for the United Forces. She had yet to receive replies but that was expected. People were busy. 

She had eaten little through this entire process, hardly noticed her family coming and going replacing old food with new. It was just ink on paper. That was the priority. Once that was accomplished she eagerly moved on to finding provisions. 

Not only would military personnel be needed but supplies, engineers, communication systems, maps and routes to follow, updated technology, specific job training, funding, public propaganda. It was a cauldron of things people often didn't realize. 

Her mind didn't cease racing until mountains of paper in organized piles rested on her desk. Azula could be seen merely as a ghost moving about the palace delivering her propositions to messengers. 

When heading to the local smith they tried to deny the princess' order of supplies to be sent to the ship yard. They claimed legal documents were needed. Azula of course had thought three paces ahead. 

She traversed legal qualifications and necessities with lighting speed even Zuko couldn't accomplish. The entire nation was sent into a buzz within days. The ship yards were alive building armored vessels. Experimental aircrafts were being tested. New motorized vehicles were under building plans. 

The economy was stimulated for the first time in ages with jobs being in high demand. Zuko was impressed to see the nation let out a sigh it had been holding since the end of the war. Many people had suffered greatly and been thrust into poverty, they were now presented with an opportunity to climb free. 

Though Azula was seen very little throughout the palace she was in a frenzy of action. Zuko had been sitting at his desk late one night when Azula practically kicked the door off its hinges, marched in, and slammed a bill on his desk. 

Zuko glanced over it. "You understand finances are the treasury's job." 

"Their calculations are six months behind." Azula replied curtly. "That's a current estimate. Three percent increase in production, ten percent decline in poverty, eight percent decrease in public dismay, four percent decrease in infant death due to poverty, thirteen percent increase for royal funding, nine percent decrease in missed taxes." 

Zuko glanced at his sister with wide and surprised eyes. "Wonderful work."

Azula said nothing. She gave him a curt nod before turning on her heel and leaving him to shake his head in disbelief. 

Word eventually flooded the streets that the princess was responsible for this rare upsurge in opportunity. They were demanding a public appearance and had been for nearly a month. When Zuko mentioned the idea to Azula she refused on each occasion. 

It wasn't until he pleaded with Ty Lee that an interesting answer occurred. Ty Lee visited the princess late at night, the candles were still burning as Azula scribbled frantically on a sheet of paper. 

"How does your hand not go numb?" Ty Lee questioned leaning on the doorframe. 

"One learns to bear pain." Azula mumbled reading over her work. 

"What's that for?" Ty Lee asked letting her head rest on the door frame as well. 

"It's a letter of recommendation." Azula explained dryly. "An earth kingdom general I've researched. I've reviewed all of his records reaching back decades." 

"I see." Ty Lee smiled slightly. 

"I'm assuming you came here on my brother's request. Do you always run his errands?" Azula asked finally looking up from her work to see Ty Lee. She was thrown off by the girl's slack appearance. 

Ty Lee was always well put together, she took pride in her careful appearance. It seemed the girl had already dressed for bed. It couldn't be that late? Oh, but it was. 

The hall's soft light sent a small halo around Ty Lee's form. The acrobat's hair wasn't pulled back like normal. Not to mention the thin pink pajamas the servants had given her. God why was it always pink? Certainly she'd have been annoyed of the color by now. Apparently not. 

"He wants me to encourage you to make a public appearance." Ty Lee hardly finished her sentence before Azula's face twisted into one of disgust and she slammed a white knuckled fist into her desk. 

"Damn it! When will he learn to leave me be?" The latter part of the sentence was meant for Azula's ears alone, but Ty Lee was well aware of what had been said. "Tell him I said no." 

Ty Lee was surprised by the quietness with which  Azula had spoken the last sentence. She sounded so tired. "You understand he just wants what's best for you." 

"No one wants that." Azula's writing hand was shaking most likely from over use. It had been a long time since Ty Lee had seen Azula so tired and frazzled. 

"You'd be surprised." Ty Lee laughed. Before Azula could begin writing again Ty Lee crossed the room and carefully took the brush away. "May you answer a question of mine?"

"I've been answering questions for the past month or so." Azula replied. "I assume, however, that my refusal won't stop you. It never did before." 

Ty Lee ignored the attempted insult and pressed on. "Why are you so against making a public appearance? You flourish in the eye of victory, your speeches were the highlight of the nation for so long." 

"They were speeches meant to intimidate and corrupt. My image is associated with nothing more than a manipulator of the people." Azula replied coldly, her actions were aggressive as she organized documents. 

"The people? Azula, the people are asking for you. Do you have any idea what this scheme of yours has done for them? This plan to unite an international force has stimulated economies world wide. Trade is being renewed. Exchanges of parts and goods are relieving poverty stricken communities." Ty Lee couldn't understand why Azula wouldn't want to revel in that success. Why she wouldn't want to smile at the good she'd spread. 

"They wish for a speech?" Azula asked ignoring what Ty Lee had said.

"Well yea-"

"Then I will write one." Azula reached for a blank piece of parchment. Ty Lee smiled and made a move to hug Azula in celebration. The princess held up a hand stopping her friend. "You will deliver it." 

"What?" Ty Lee asked in utter surprise. 

"You think people won't take this opportunity to humiliate me?" Azula questioned and if Ty Lee hadn't been looking carefully, she'd have missed the flash of fear, hidden in Azula's eyes. "It's naive to believe such a thing. The public needs a new face, someone likeable, someone they can relate to. Another person who has come from rags to riches." 

"I've never made a speech to thousands of people." Ty Lee could feel the panic forming inside her chest. 

"Which is why I'll teach you." Azula replied firmly. "Now go, I have plans to finish." 

Ty Lee blinked. "Do you ever rest?"

"As long as my demons wake I will never sleep." Azula's eyes returned to the paper in front of her. "Now go, please." 

Ty Lee didn't expect the please. She expected a demand, but with a small bow Ty Lee obeyed. She left the princess to burn candlelight late into the night. 

Azula had always been magnificent with words. She'd always been far more poetic than she ever dared show. For once there was no fire lord like her father to steal away such pathetic ramblings. If Zuko wanted a speech so dearly then he was going to receive one. It was going to be the most memorable speech ever written. 

With a fire in her heart Azula wrote like her life depended on it. No one would believe the words of a liar. Everyone would believe the words of an acrobat. Closing her eyes she took a shaky breath. It was time to attempt trust once again. Her faith was now riding upon Ty Lee's shoulders. 

If the girl could not deliver, there was no hope that Azula would ever willingly shake the cloak of loneliness that rested on her shoulders. It was a time of great importance, what the princess did not know, was that Ty Lee lay awake in her room. 

Her mind racing as she realized the play at hand. Azula had always been one for tests and this was by far the biggest one she had yet to face. The proposition had seemed harmless at first, but Ty Lee knew one thing about the princess; nothing was ever harmless. 

The acrobat could very well make or break what was to become of the princess.


	5. Digging Up The Past

A/N This chapter contains sensitive content so please be careful as you read. As far as mental health goes it's okay to get help and talk to people about it. That's what I have to do. And please take your medication it always helps me. 

\----  
Ty Lee wasn't exactly prepared for what Azula had in mind when it came to preparing for the speech. The princess was very specific in the requirements needed to make sure what she'd written was effective. What was even stranger was that Azula hadn't allowed Ty Lee to see what she'd written. 

"Wouldn't it be easier if I got a feel for it first?" Ty Lee asked sitting cross legged in the princess' bed on the third day of 'training'.

"No," Azula shook her head leaning on her desk. "You will understand why when the time comes." 

"Why do you make this seem so cryptic?" Ty Lee frowned, playing with the corner of her shirt. 

"Ty Lee, do you doubt me?" Azula glanced up from the floor to meet the eyes of the acrobat. 

"No." Ty Lee shook her head, and it was an honest answer. 

"Then understand that I have a plan." Azula straightened and crossed her arms. "Do you remember how I described my efficiency in combat when we were younger?" 

"You said it was like seeing a chess board," Ty Lee recalled. 

"Yes." Azula nodded. "I see in advance the...decisions of my opponent. I never think about the present, always the future. The choices and consequences that can result from my actions. The most efficient way to claim victory. This is no different. I have seen the board and I know where to move, even if you cannot see it yet." 

Ty Lee was reminded once again just how calculated Azula was. Part of her wondered if Azula had any particular reason for selecting her to make the speech. As possibilities ran through her head a lead weight settled in the acrobat's stomach. She watched warily as Azula paced over to the window, a breeze wafting in from the open pane. 

"Azula, will you promise to be honest with me?" The question was hesitant, shy. The princess didn't look back as she sealed the quick promise with a nod. "Are you having me make the speech to be a decoy? So that any assassination attempts-" 

Ty Lee stopped when she saw the princess' posture go rigid. She heard Azula draw in a deep breath and was prepared for the backlash. What she hadn't expected was the answer she received. 

"No. You will not be disguised. You will be as you are and I gave you this duty because, as I've said before, it will be the most effective." There was a pause and Ty Lee thought the other girl had finished but a soft admission was mumbled from the princess. "If I was certain of assassination I would not hesitate to stand before a crowd. I've wished for death so many times it's become a dear friend of mine." 

Ty Lee stared at the back of her childhood friend, shock holding her voice hostage. Slowly she gathered herself, "Azula you can't honestly mean that!"

"Can't I?" The princess had yet to look away from the window. She seemed hypnotized by the palace grounds down below. "It seems you still don't quite grasp it all, my friend." 

"No, I understand that you've been hurt, but I never thought that you'd wish for such a thing." Ty Lee wasn't sure if she should comfort Azula or not. The princess wasn't one to like physical contact. "How long have you had thoughts like that?" 

"Since I was a child." The admission was casual on Azula's part but Ty Lee felt a piece of her heart fall away. Never once had she thought that Azula had struggled with such ideas. 

"Why?" Ty Lee's voice was impossibly small. 

"I know that I've always been troubled. That my head hasn't been right. That I'm able to manipulate anyone, and I suppose at times, even myself." Ty Lee watched anxiously as Azula walked her fingers across the edge of the window sill. "I believed that I had the perfect life you know. I was royalty for spirit's sake. I had power, a father who saw me as something great. I read once that no matter how hard we try the subconscious cannot be controlled." 

"Well yeah, that's why people have-"

"You don't need to explain it to me." Azula interjected. 

"Sorry." Ty Lee clamped her mouth shut. 

"Looking back it's not hard to see that everything I did, what I saw, what I experienced, it all took a toll. You once asked me what my training was like." Ty Lee could recall countless times she had, every time Azula was quick to shut down the questions. Ty Lee never pressed, sometimes it was dangerous to know things

"You never told me." The acrobat gave a small awkward laugh. 

"I committed my first murder when I was ten." Ty Lee felt her stomach twist into knots, she felt for certain she was about to puke. "Father told me the man was treasonous. That it was a necessity as ruler to learn when it was acceptable to forgive such infractions...and when to condemn them. He insisted that there were times that death was the only option." 

"Azula-" 

"He was right. I'd read about such things dozens of times. I had no pity for him. He'd failed." Azula didn't hear her friend's attempt to interrupt. "I did it. Father smiled, you know. I thought it was pride in his eyes. I laughed. Zuko could never do such a thing. He was too weak." 

"Azula please sto-"

"As every child would, I went to brag of my accomplishments. Mother was angry. I could see it in her eyes; I died to her that night. I was no longer her child, just father's. Though I was young it was easy to understand. What with the yelling and all." Azula's voice lilted into an exact imitation of her mother's. "You've created a monster Ozai. She's too young. How could you? That thing isn't the daughter I brought into this world." 

"You're not a monster!" Ty Lee insisted too frightened and disturbed to move. 

"Oh, but aren't I?" Azula asked still staring out that damned window. "I did more than you can ever imagine Ty Lee. I protected you from the truth you know. From all that really happened. The amount of...abuse that went behind the palace doors." 

"I know your father ab-"

"I'm not talking about my father!" The rise in Azula's tone caused the acrobat to jump. "I'm talking about mother Ty Lee. Haven't you been listening?"

"I have, Azula. I have, I promise." She needed to play nice, something was very wrong, she could sense it. 

"I learned how beautiful fire was. You could do so many horrible things with it." From the slight angle of Azula's head Ty Lee could see a half smile on the princess' face. "I wanted to know how bad it hurt. Once, when Zuko got burned in training, mother treated him like a king. He whined for days, and I thought, surely it wasn't that bad. Surely I could do better." 

"Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did." Horror settled over the acrobat. How in the world had she never known any of this? How had she been so clueless? How had she been such a horrible friend? 

"Do you want to see?" Those golden eyes. They finally looked back at Ty Lee and her heart nearly stopped. There was a glassy sheen over them. 

"I don't know. I don't know if I can." Ty Lee admitted, nerves and fear causing her hands to shake. Azula seemed to disregard her answer and without a care in the world stripped. Ty Lee looked away. She couldn't bring herself to see whatever Azula had inflicted on herself. 

"Oh, don't be shy. You never were before." What surprised the acrobat was the surprisingly gentle touch the princess used to turn her head. Ty Lee felt a new wave of nausea settle over her. Under normal circumstances she never would have noticed, even at the beach the wound had been covered. 

There was a large gnarly scar that ran across Azula's back just below the shoulder blade. "How?"

"I stood in front of the mirror. I needed to make it look convincing enough, like I'd been caught off guard while sparring. I'd stolen one of Mai's little knives. It glowed white hot, like it wasn't even metal.  And after a moment of examining it, I reached back, and-"

Azula mimicked the motion she'd used, how the burn resembling the sharp edge of a blade had damaged her porcelain skin. 

"Why would you do that?! That would hurt!" Ty Lee looked away once more, she couldn't bear another second of staring. 

"It did. I tried to muffle my screams but it didn't work. Mother came running in. For once, my plans didn't work. She jerked me to my feet, dragged me to the infirmary and demanded to know what I had been doing." Azula's expression was no longer as neutral as it had been. Her eyebrows were creased together and her eyes held something foreign in them. "I told her. I told her I wanted her to pay attention to me like she did Zuko. She slapped me. Right here." 

Azula's hand ghosted briefly across her cheek. "Told me I was stupid for doing that. That I was ridiculous and that Zuko really had been hurt. That I was just lying." 

"Azula she was scared for you. She was a mother watching her child dissolve into-" Ty Lee stopped before she could say the word. Azula picked up on it anyways. 

"Don't excuse her actions!" The princess snapped, her fists steaming in warning. "After that I realized it didn't matter what I did. There wasn't enough of her for the both of us. I pretended it was fine, but...it wasn't." 

As quickly as the princess' rage had come it had gone. Ty Lee saw Azula's gaze trail towards the window again. 

"Of course not. You wanted love, real love." Ty Lee's nerves kicked in again and she began to understand the draw of the window. She hurriedly grabbed Azula's hand anchoring the fire bender to the spot. 

"Do you know what it's like growing up without a mother?" Once again Azula was not looking at Ty Lee. It was almost like she was talking to some invisible phantom the acrobat couldn't see. "How much I could have needed her? The things a girl can't discuss with her emperor of a father, womanly things, advice and instruction would have been more than welcome from her." 

Ty Lee remembered on numerous occasions where Azula had turned to her for aid. Being young it had never occurred to her why. Ty Lee had always assumed servants would happily oblige to divulge such information at Azula's smallest request. "Why did you take my advice of all people?"

"I wasn't about to appear weak and useless to my own servants." Azula snorted, pulling her hand free from the acrobat's grip. "There's a lot I hid from everyone. To this day I am the keeper of my own secrets."

"What did you hide from me? Other than what you've just divulged." She wasn't quite certain how Azula would react to the question, but the princess was off her usual game. 

Azula laughed a deep, almost predatorial laugh. "Oh Ty Lee you're too squeamish to know what goes on in my head." 

Ty Lee watched as Azula tapped lazily at her temple once again enthralled by the window. As much as Azula was right, Ty Lee was eager to prove herself a good friend when she hadn't before. "You don't know how much I've changed."

Azula hummed in what sounded like amusement. "I've told you enough." 

"You've told me too little. I can't leave here after you've told me you have a history of suicidal thoughts, self harm, and there's even more I don't know." Ty Lee would stay here all night if she had to, she wouldn't think twice about it. 

"Sometimes I see things." Azula seemed to feel that she could go on a bit more. 

"Like what?" Ty Lee asked. 

"Father. I see him in my reflection." That's when Ty Lee noticed the lack of mirrors or anything particularly shiny in the room. Nothing that would show Azula's reflection. 

"What's he like?"

"Disappointed. Angry. And yet....smug and proud." Was the response. "I feel like he's always there. Watching and waiting to see what I do. If I go to sleep, he's in my head, whispering in my ear." 

"What sort of things does he say?" Ty Lee knew that in the past it was Ursa that Azula saw. As much as Azula discussed her mother with venom, the two had healed their bond in a way. It was more the past Ursa that Azula despised. 

"That I could take the throne from Zuko. That it would be easy. That the rightful heir would be sitting in his place. He makes me remember my training, the details. The painful hours until I was shaking from fatigue. That I am rightfully stronger than Zuko. That I've worked for my power. I've experienced the intricacies of war, handled the scarring of it, killed for the nation, lead it through struggles." Ty Lee watched as Azula's posture became more regal. As if reciting her father's praise gave her strength in and of itself. "But he has a plan as much as I do." 

"What else does he say?" 

"That I'm a disgrace, that he hand picked me and I couldn't even accomplish what he started. That I have every right to tear apart what Zuko has built. It's my duty as his daughter to avenge what's become of him. If I really cared I would disregard any morals they've forced upon me. That I'm worthless if I abandon what he spent so long teaching me." Any confidence that had been exhibited in the princess slowly deflated. 

"And yet, you haven't done anything to harm Zuko." In reality Ty Lee didn't think she'd be able to handle the pressure Azula was being put through whether it was real or not. "Why?" 

"Because when I do as I'm supposed to, he smiles in pride." It was probably the most genuinely nice thing Ty Lee had ever heard her say about her brother. "And I'm reminded of the time I first learned I could bend. I forgot I had this memory until years ago. For the briefest moment I recalled it. The look of pride when he realized we had a connection. That we both had this little spark inside of us." 

"That's beautiful." It was all Ty Lee could really say. She didn't know how else to describe Azula's openness. 

"Maybe, but I'm still the same." There was the subtlest waver in Azula's voice. "I still love the burn of fire, I still flourish in my manipulation, I still desire the fear I can instill in others, the pain of training until I cannot do anything else, sometimes I imagine the burn of Mai's knife, what it would be like if I just leaned too far out the window, and I still love my father." 

"You're not the same." Ty Lee finally mustered enough courage to approach the princess. She drew the other girl into her arms. 

"How?" Azula demanded her control finally slipping to reveal a wounded tone and expression. "How can you look at me the same after all I've told you? I'm crazy!" 

Azula pulled angrily away from Ty Lee's grip and tore open her desk drawer revealing yet another saddening secret. There were dozens and dozens of pill bottles inside, none of them empty, all of them unopened and full. 

"Azula you're supposed to take your medicine." Ty Lee sighed running a hand over her face. 

"I don't want to. I don't want to become a numb shell. I am restless because if I stop to think I'm overwhelmed." Ty Lee reached into the drawer and examined the labels. There was medicine for depression, anxiety, and other mental health troubles. 

"Is that why you stay awake so late working?" The question was gentle as the acrobat carefully closed the desk drawer. 

"Yes." Azula nodded. "Now please, I don't want to talk anymore. Tomorrow we'll focus again. This isn't what I had in mind to discuss." 

"Maybe not, but it was important to discuss." Ty Lee retorted. "Things like this people need to know about, to help take care of you." 

Azula stared at her childhood friend and it was perhaps the first time Ty Lee had ever seen her shed any tears. "Don't you understand what all I've told you means? I don't need anyone to take care of me. I can function on my own. It's how it's always been." 

"No." It was Ty Lee's turn to be firm. Azula seemed a bit surprised by the force behind the acrobat's words. "I've always been there for you. So has Mai. You were never alone! You put yourself in a box of mental and emotional isolation because you were afraid." 

"You can't pretend to know me. Not because I told you my darker secrets. Even the healers who dug around in my head didn't know me." Azula wiped hurriedly at the tears on her cheeks. 

"You won't admit it to yourself but I understand now. No matter what you did you disappointed someone. You won't open up to anyone at all because you're so used to being shut out. I never would have shut you out." Ty Lee was finally beginning to piece together the true mystery that was the Fire Nation princess. 

Azula was hurt in numerous emotional, physical, and mental ways. The fact that she was still able to function as well as she did was amazing by itself. Still, she was suffering, and this self treatment of hers wasn't enough. Exhaustion could only shut things out so much. She needed more help. 

"You did. The moment you sided with Mai you shut me out." That was the real truth behind the Boiling Rock incident. Yes, what Azula had stated previously was true, but it had beat around the bush. 

"It was never to hurt you." The acrobat insisted. "But I'm going to get you more help okay? You need it." 

"No." Azula recoiled strongly. "I don't need help. It didn't work before it won't work now." 

"Azula plea-"

"I never should have talked to you." The princess began to pace an almost manic aura around her. "Zuko sent you didn't he?" 

Ty Lee knew she'd overstayed her welcome. Whatever had been bubbling beneath the surface throughout this entire ordeal was now boiling over. The acrobat didn't have time to make it to the door before Azula grabbed her by the shoulders. 

"Stop playing his games!" She yelled. "He keeps pushing you around and you follow his orders like a pawn!" 

"Let go." Ty Lee was somehow calm. 

"I don't need him to babysit me. I thought he was finally going to let me be." Azula's eyes flickered about the room for a moment and she went quiet as if listening to something. The princess' grip turned into a death grip on Ty Lee's shoulders. "That's why he brought you here isn't it?" 

"What?" 

"He's using you to get to me." Azula's expression was one of pain and betrayal. "He can't do his job on his own, it's why he brought you, to get me to help. So he can stamp his name on everything!" 

"Azula that's not true. You're not making any sense." The acrobat tried to wriggle free but she didn't have to. Azula let her go and rushed out into the hall on a mission. 

Ty Lee watched her run off mumbling loudly to herself before sprinting to Zuko's quarters. "Zuko I don't know what's wrong, Azula's upset. I was talking to her and she told me-"

"What did you talk about?" He demanded already halfway out the door. 

"She told me about the voices in her head. Of Ozai. How she thinks death is-" 

"Damn it!" Zuko cursed. "Where did she go?" 

"That way." Ty Lee hardly had time to point before he was running. She tried to stay as close to him as possible. Zuko collected a few guards on the way and it wasn't long until Azula's location was discovered. 

The princess had set fire to the plans she'd spent hours on making for the United Forces. Zuko lunged pulling her into a vice grip as she thrashed and flailed yelling incoherent phrases. 

"Stop it Azula!" Zuko demanded her elbow catching him in the jaw. His grip faltered and the guards pounced. Ty Lee watched in horror as they pinned Azula and cuffed her roughly. 

"Don't hurt her she's scared!" The guards didn't listen as they dragged her to her feet. 

"Take her to the infirmary." Zuko ordered, wiping at the blood on his lip. His golden eyes settled on Ty Lee. "Stay away from her." 

"What?" The acrobat's eyes widened in shock. 

"Talking about the past triggers something in her. I don't know what it is but every time you're around her she gets worse." Zuko's eyes were hard. 

"You want to blame this on me? Fine. Check her desk. Maybe it had to do with the pills that have been unopened for months." Zuko's eyes narrowed as he pushed past. Ty Lee didn't need to follow him to know he was going to look anyways. 

All she could do now was stop and watch the papers burn.


	6. Demons Come Out To Play

Ty Lee hadn't been able to sleep at all that night. Every time she closed her eyes the burning blue papers were visible on the back of her eyelids. Morning couldn't have come quick enough. She hardly spent time getting ready, and raced to the infirmary not stopping for breakfast. 

There was only one person there and it wasn't hard to figure out who. The place was freezing cold and Ty Lee felt goose bumps race up her arms. Shivering she walked over to where a group of nurses were looming over the only occupied cot. 

Ty Lee was given a cold look by one of them but completely ignored it and pushed to the side of the bed. Her heart fluttered in guilt and sympathy. Azula's arms were fitted snuggly to the bed, due to leather cuffs, as well as the ones around her ankles. The princess was awake, but her focus was solely on the nurse holding a small cup of water and a handful of pills.

"Your brother insists we make you take these." The woman pleaded, clearly frustrated. 

"I don't need to follow his rules!" Azula growled her arms straining against the cuffs. They had stripped away the princess' more formal attire placing her in simple garb. Ty Lee noticed the pure strength in the fire bender's arms. She was surprised the cuffs didn't break. 

"Then you leave us no choice but to force the matter." The nurse sighed. 

"I dare you to try." There was an animalistic gleam in Azula's eyes, one Ty Lee had seen many times before, only when the princess had eyes set on prey. It was a defense mechanism. 

"Don't. Don't, think about it." Ty Lee caught the attention of all the nurses and Azula, for seemingly, the first time.  

"Who let you in here?" One of them demanded. 

"It doesn't matter. You're all insane. You can't force her to do that." Ty Lee gave them the most incredulous look she could muster. 

"Oh, she's right." Azula piped up, a lopsided monster like smile on her face, her eyes full of amusement. 

"Get out." One of the caregivers grabbed the acrobat's arm, but the pink clad girl was quick to react. The nurse's arm went limp from Ty Lee's quick reflexes. 

"I'm allowed to be here." Ty Lee spoke sternly standing tall and proud. She'd grown over the years and nearly surpassed Zuko in height. 

"Under what jurisdiction?" The nurse hissed holding her limp arm. 

"Mine of course." Azula smirked and her eyebrows arched expectantly. Legally, the nurses couldn't refuse, Azula did have the power to call people to her side when she wished. They did, however, have the right to defy certain royal requests if it caused health concerns. It was a tricky subject. It was a battle of will and at last it seemed the caregivers were defeated. 

"Fine, but she's your problem now." They were all too eager to leave and part of Ty Lee was all too happy to watch them go. The infirmary was empty now, that was, except for the acrobat and the princess. 

"Azula, you have to take your medicine it'll help I promise." Ty Lee tried to give her as sincere a look as possible but the princess wasn't buying it. 

"If you think I'm going to trust you you're wrong." The words were harsh and callous. Ty Lee expected such a reply but it didn't sting any less. 

"I know. At least let me help you. These things are ridiculous." Examining the cuffs the acrobat's fingers began to undo the latchings. "I can't believe they're even allowed to do this. Your poor wrist is raw." 

"Oh boo hoo." Azula replied dryly as Ty Lee moved on to undo the ones on her ankles.  What the acrobat didn't expect was the princess to move like a viper. She was a flash of red fabric, pale skin, and dark hair, with the scent of smoke. 

Ty Lee's back slammed painfully into the wall and she was aware of something pressing against her throat. "Azula don't."

"Why not?" Came the violent whisper. "Why shouldn't I snap your perfect little neck?"

"Because you need me. Otherwise you wouldn't have hesitated." Azula made some sort of indecipherable noise next to Ty Lee's ear.   

"I don't need anyone." 

"Then you want me here. There's only two basic human instincts, wants, and needs. You've eliminated the first." Ty Lee had learned Azula's tricks long ago, she had grown clever. She was no longer the whimsical and foolish girl she had been. "So what is it?" 

"You forgot the third instinct." Azula was close enough for Ty Lee to feel the princess' lips brush her jaw line. 

"And what is that?" 

"Primal. The barest of responses. What we resort to when we reach our lowest point." Came the mocking answer. 

"And what do you resort to?" The acrobat was barely managing to remain calm, remain poised. Keeping Azula talking was good, it allowed her to assess her surroundings. 

"Dominance." Just as before, Azula was quick, the warning pressure on Ty Lee's neck was gone, and suddenly the acrobat was struggling to stand. Azula's arm was wrapped snugly around her neck, their bodies agonizingly close, and Ty Lee could feel Azula's knuckles pressed painfully into her back. A warning, a wrong move, and she was toast. Literally. 

"You don't scare me." The acrobat laughed carefully feeling Azula's arm squeeze tighter. 

"Perhaps I don't, but my demons should. You want to know what I hear?" The question called Ty Lee's thoughts back to the precious night. Zuko had said she needed to stay away from such topics, still, it seemed like a foolish idea.

"No. I don't want to know what they're telling you. I want to hear what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what's hurting you. I don't care about your dad's voice or whatever he is to you. I'm not friends with you father I'm friends with you." The answer was enough to startle the princess. Ty Lee could feel Azula's grip loosen but she didn't break free. Azula needed to feel in control for Ty Lee to work the situation to her advantage. 

"I don't have any-"

"You do. Or you wouldn't be doing this. I know you're angry at me for telling Zuko about your meds. I get it but I'm trying to help you." Azula's grip tightened once more but it wasn't as tight. 

"No one really wants to help me." There it was again, the vulnerability Ty Lee had been trying to dig up. It was easier now to crack the princess, to pry the little edges away that had previously been well guarded. "They just want to make me into something they want." 

"You're right. They want you to be like you were. The General, the elite, the prodigy, its all they've ever known you as." Ty Lee could feel Azula's heart beating quickly against her back. "But I've known you as the curious little girl who was ambitious and smart." 

"You knew a lie." 

"We both know that's not true. There were glimpses of you, the real you. The person you could have been and I saw them." Ty Lee couldn't keep the passion from her tone. She knew there was someone else deep inside of Azula trying to claw its way out. She also knew that Azula was terrified of that person. 

"It was a ploy Ty Lee. Don't you get it? I had you wrapped around my pinkie." Azula growled. 

The princess was terrified, to feel, to not be in control. It was even plainer to see after all the acrobat had learned last night. Azula used her power, her history, as a manipulator and dictator to excuse her missteps. Ty Lee wouldn't be fooled by such excuses again, not anymore.

"It's okay to let that person inside of you out. No one is going to hurt you." The realization that Azula's primary demon was her father, and that his constant mental manipulation had scarred Azula so deeply, caused new revelations to crash down on Ty Lee. His subtle abuse had gone far deeper than the acrobat had realized. 

The Fire lord had crawled so deep into Azula's head that the princess was scared of herself. His voice was conjured in her head because Azula had been so ingrained with the knowledge of consequence should she express herself truly, she honestly believed she was in danger. Even now, with her father locked safely away, bending gone for good. 

"You do not understand the consequences." 

"He's not here. He can't hurt you. No one can. Your mother, your brother, your father. You are safe and you are valued." Ty Lee sensed a shift in Azula and very carefully unwound herself from the princess' hold. 

"He won't go away. I-" Azula's eyes glassed over once more like they had the previous night. They darted about the room trying to find the firelord's invisible form. "He says I'm strong. I-I can ignore you. You're lying to me, this is who I am. I'm his daughter, heir to the throne, conquerer of Ba Sing Se, former FireLord." 

"No. You're Azula, a teenage girl, you're afraid, you're kind when you don't guard yourself, you're brilliant, you're my friend, you're a sister, you're a daughter, a leader, a visionary." Azula seemed to snap into reality for the briefest moment, but once the acrobat stopped talking her attention was diverted again. 

"Father never liked you." Azula whispered conflict captured in her features. "He always wanted me to get rid of you. He says I can. I won't get into trouble, he'll just send Zuko away. Dad will take care of me, he promised." 

The princess' fingers twitched like they had a mind of their own, blue flames licking at the air. Ty Lee knew that whatever Ozai was saying, it was working, and he was guiding Azula down a very dark path. The acrobat needed to snap her out of it. 

Azula's attention returned to Ty Lee but the girl's eyes were no longer conflicted, they were resolute. The princess had made her decision and Ty Lee could feel a dark change in the air. 

Just as the flames grew strong the acrobat reacted quickly. She moved in close as she'd been trained to do, Azula expected the familiar combat moves, expected her bending to sputter out. Instead lips crashed against hers. 

The sensation was so foreign, so unexpected, something snapped within her. Her reaction was instinct. There was a loud smack and suddenly Ty Lee was gone. Azula backed up until her back pressed against the wall. "No no no no no." 

He had seen it. Ozai knew, her father knew. There was no hiding it. She could feel his eyes staring down into her soul, scrutinizing every inch of her. See the flames licking at the edges of her vision. She was dead. She was worse than Zuko, had fallen lower than she'd ever thought possible. 

"Father please. It's not my fault." Her body shook for what seemed to be no reason. Emotions wild. "I'm sorry. I know I promised. O-only you. My focus was only you. W-whatever you wanted I know! Training, no emotion, control b-by fear." 

Ty Lee's cheek stung horribly but she wasn't thinking about herself. She heard Azula's rambling and the irony of it was pitiful. Control by fear. Azula couldn't even realize that's exactly what her own father had done to her. What he'd done to Zuko and Ursa. Ozai had ruined all of them this way. Even his prized prodigy. 

"No I didn't. I didn't I swear. I'm doing what you asked I just need time. It's har-I'm not attached. Not to her. I told you that, don't you believe me?" Ty Lee stood and she looked down at Azula's quivering form. She'd screwed up again, she thought she'd done the right thing. Only she'd dissolved Azula into a rambling, crying, hysterical mess. 

The acrobat did what she could. She sat next to the princess and pulled her close running a soothing hand through raven black hair. "You're okay. I promise." 

Azula titled her head, there was something else there. Not her father. But who? Slowly her curiosity tugged the voice into focus. Her initial response was disgust but it faded to sadness. For herself, what she'd become, and for the first time Azula began to grieve. She wasn't sure what brought on the floor of emotions but there was no stopping it. 

"I know. Let it out, it's just us here. I won't tell anyone I promise," Ty Lee spoke softly making sure to keep her movements slow and none threatening. She could sense the different aura. She knew the extent of Azula's sorrow. She could feel the self hatred, the self loathing, the pity, the despair. Most astonishing however, was the grief. 

Ty Lee had never felt Azula grieve. It seemed that the princess was grieving for herself. For her losses, for her pain, her hurt, the betrayal, the lack of love, but most importantly the part of herself she'd killed all those years ago. The part of herself she'd been trained to ignore and snuff out. 

"You don't have to hide anymore. Zuko and Ursa have changed. They care about you, it's time you start caring about yourself. 'Zula you have to believe you can be who you want. That you can change." Azula remained still despite the tears sliding down her cheeks. "Your first instinct is to believe you're some horrible monster but you're not. If you were, you would have killed me, you would have gotten out of those cuffs on your own and destroyed those incompetent nurses." 

"They were q-quite stupid." Azula sniffled. 

"Indeed. Now, I'm only gonna ask once and if you say no that's okay. You have a choice here. Always remember that. You have a choice now. You can say no to things. You won't be punished." The princess seemed to doubt the acrobat's words. "I'll make sure of it. If you want to think no one else is here to help you, to take care of you, fine. Just please believe that I am."

"What do you w-want my t-to do?" There was still a slight hint of skepticism to Azula's words but Ty Lee was grateful for her attempt to be trustful. 

"Take your meds. Just for today. You don't have to I just think it would help. You're tired and emotionally drained." Ty Lee still wanted to offer Azula the choice but ever fiber of her being wanted Azula to just listen to her. 

"I don't need them." Azula mumbled. "I want to go back to my room." 

"Okay. I'll help." Ty Lee carefully stood helping Azula to her feet. The two walked in silence to Azula's room where the princess was more than happy to crawl into bed. 

"Can you leave the lights on?" Ty Lee nodded hand hovering just above the lamp. 

"Anything else you need to be comfortable?" 

"I...well sometimes I used to hold a pillow. It's dumb but I pretended it was Mom. Somehow I could go to sleep better." Azula's thoughts seemed to be slower from fatigue but Ty Lee was patient. 

"You have plenty of pillows." 

"No, I don't want one. Just someone else close by. To make sure he doesn't get in." Ty Lee wanted to yell at her, Ozai wasn't coming back, but it wasn't what Azula needed at the moment. The princess didn't need anyone else telling her she was broken and crazy. The princess needed someone safe and reliable. 

"I can stay." Ty Lee settled cross legged at the foot of the bed watching as Azula curled on her side, eyes flitting closed. 

"I'm sorry I hit you. You frightened me." 

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." Ty Lee sighed feeling tired as well. 

"Sometimes I think you are, you just pretend not to be. You were always good at that." The acrobat wasn't sure if it was an insult or a compliment and was left wondering what exactly the princess had meant for the rest of the evening.


	7. Anagrams

"Alright you two, rise and shine, you'll miss breakfast and it's quite good this morning." Ty Lee groaned and sat up rubbing at her eyes from the sudden light in the room. She spotted Ursa through bleary vision by the window, the one responsible for the sun making its unwanted appearance. 

"How late is it?" Ty Lee questioned stretching her arms above her head, back popping in relief. 

"Nearly the afternoon." This bit of information surprised the acrobat, was it the afternoon of the next day? She hadn't thought she was that tired. 

"Oh man. I have things to do." Ty Lee was quick to stand up already thinking about practicing for the speech again. She had to make sure it was perfect, Azula expected that much. 

"Well you get going I'll rouse the sleeping beast." Ursa joked. Ty Lee gave her a thankful smile and headed to her own quarters eager to wash up and change clothes. "Azula it's late. You're going to miss breakfast." 

"I don't want to go to breakfast." The princess mumbled hiding her face in her pillow. 

"I know it's been a bit rough but you need to eat, it's good for you." Though Azula wasn't looking, she sensed the shift in weight as her mother sat next to her on the bed. 

"I don't want to see anyone." Azula insisted. 

"That's alright, they've already eaten. It'll just be Ty Lee and perhaps Mai. She slept in late today as well." Ursa explained resting a careful hand on Azula's shoulder. 

"I wonder why. Were they loud this time?" The princess was never one to be particularly sensitive to touchy subjects and that wasn't about to change anytime soon. 

"Azula," Ursa sighed. "No, and I don't dabble in your brother's business where he doesn't want me. He's old enough to be responsible on his own by now." 

"Right." Azula finally moved until she was sitting upright. "I'll get changed, I guess, but I won't be staying out long." 

"That's alright." In truth Ursa was relieved that Azula seemed to be in slightly better spirits. She'd heard what had happened and it made her anxious not being certain of the details. Thankfully, there was Ty Lee who seemed quite keen on keeping an eye on Azula, when Ursa herself, could not. 

The princes dragged herself from the bed and slunk over to the wardrobe. She used to have servants dress her, but she found them insufferable now a days. Shimmying out of her infirmary clothes she pulled something simple but elegant; and more importantly combat efficient from the wardrobe. 

Ursa sat quietly keeping an eye on her but her gaze drifted to the blade shaped scar that had been hidden for years. She noticed Azula had grown thinner again since Ty Lee's arrival. Part of her knew it was good the acrobat had returned, but the other part of her, the mother side, was worried it had been a negative impact. 

"You'll look very confident in that outfit. I'd wear it if it were in my size," Azula hummed in acknowledgement of her mother's attempt for conversation. "Would you like me to do your hair?"

"Ty Lee can do it. She's an expert at it, never a hair out of place." Azula informed her mother straightening even the slightest crease in her outfit. 

"You're probably right. I am a bit out of practice," Ursa laughed softly. 

"You could always practice on Kiyi. I'm sure she has the patience for it," With a sigh Azula turned towards the door. 

"If anything she is more curious than you were at her age." Ursa stood following her daughter into the hallway. 

"Right, but not about strategies and warfare." The quip was meant to be rude, but it had, in fact, opened Ursa up for an opportunity. 

"Actually she's eager to learn bending. I asked her who she'd like as a teacher. I thought she would pick-"

"Zuko. How... unpredictable." 

"Well yes, but simply because he's firelord." Ursa laughed nervously. "She wanted to learn from you. I can't blame her, you are very gifted. Not to mention you were the one, despite the bad circumstances, to discover she was a fire bender. She's also fascinated by how blue it is. Not-"

"Fine I'll do it. Just, stop-stop rambling please." Azula couldn't handle processing this much so early after waking, she understood why her mother was so eager to talk, but she wasn't in the mood. 

"Of course. Sorry," Ursa paused in their walk to the dining room, and left her daughter be. Azula sighed running a hand down her face. She made her way to the table where there was still plenty of food. Ty Lee ,however, was busy with Kiyi. 

"There you go, I'll hold your feet." The acrobat smiled as the young girl attempted a handstand. 

"If she falls she'll learn faster." Azula sighed, ignoring the pastries on the table and selecting an apple. 

"Or, get hurt and be scared." Ty Lee countered helping Kiyi balance. 

"Fear does wonderful things." 

"So does trust." The acrobat gave Azula a pointed look and Azula conceded the win to Ty Lee. 

"I'm gonna practice on the grass so if I fall I don't die." Kiyi laughed falling over before scrambling to her feet and running off. Azula watched her go, not too eager to be the energetic girl's mentor. 

"Remember the time I put an apple on my head and you shot it off?" Ty Lee's voice called Azula's attention once more. 

"Yes. I never missed." As if to prove her point Azula tossed the apple into the air before incinerating it with a thin jet of blue fire. 

"Never said you did." Ty Lee winked, observing the multiple choices of food. "Now...what's the best thing to eat?" 

"The best as in quality or taste?" The princess questioned. 

"Whatever you like. Surprise me." Azula hummed in thought before gesturing to a specific dish. "Alright, the princess has spoken." 

"I was thinking...well more like subconsciously assessing..." Azula began her approach to the topic warily. 

"Of course." Ty Lee mused. 

"Is there a way I can...get better without having to resort to medicine?" Ty Lee hid her surprise as best as she could and ate a bit of breakfast to stall for time. 

"I would think so. You're experiencing something along the lines of a spiritual imbalance. You can correct it if you find some sort of peace." Azula nodded but she didn't seem pleased. 

"You're sounding awfully like the Avatar." The princess' statement nearly made the acrobat laugh. 

"I did learn a thing or two. Just trust me okay?" Ty Lee's expression was one of sincerity, one Azula could believe. 

"Alright, but first we have to work on your speech." Of course, Ty Lee had expected that, it had been the source of Azula's focus for quite some time. 

"Right, perhaps after lunch you could join me outside?" Azula gave a curt nod and the two set forth as if the previous evening hadn't happened.   
\---  
Ty Lee had expected Azula to break the promise, in truth it had been a bit of wishful thinking. What Ty Lee hadn't expected was to find Azula standing in Zuko's room and for the door to be cracked open. 

"I care about you, I do, but I can't-Azula I can't have you here. Not in the palace. You're endangering others and yourself. It's not a safe environment," Zuko sighed. 

"You think I'm stupid?" Azula scoffed. Despite the challenge present in her voice Ty Lee noticed the way her shoulders slumped downwards. "You want me to go back to that damn cell!" 

"It's not like it was before, I promise," Zuko insisted. 

"Your promises mean nothing to me. You don't know what it's like to be pent up like an animal." 

"I know exactly what that's like." Zuko frowned, "How many times did father lock me in my room?"

"And how many times did mother come free you?" 

Silence settled in the room for a moment and Ty Lee thought the discussion was over. She was ready to bolt, or to make it look as if she were about to knock just as the door opened, but neither sibling was finished just yet. 

"Stop holding mother's actions against me. I thought you put all of this in the past." 

"I thought a cell was part of the past as well but it appears we're both mistaken. I won't argue. I can't change your mind, " Azula hissed, "but that damn speech you wanted...consider it rejected. Figure it out yourself. And that little United Forces situation, not my responsibility anymore." 

"You can't do that. Ty Lee already prepped for it. She'll have the speech memorized by now." Zuko shook his head. 

"Joke's on you brother, she never saw it. I was always good at establishing collateral, wasn't I?" Zuko's expression turned into one of brief panic before he masked his original response. 

"I have faith in her. Now, you can take anything you'd like. As I said before it'll be much better than the firs-" 

"No different than you moving Father up to a luxury institution isn't it? You know Zuko, you expect me to believe that I can be someone good, and yet you're so quick to banish me?"  Ty Lee winced at Azula's words. She shouldn't have said that, Zuko knew what it was like to be banished. 

"I'm giving you an opportunity. One slip up and everyone will have your head. I'm protecting you! And don't talk about banishment with me." Zuko crossed his arms and set his jaw. The discussion was over. There was nothing Azula could do.

"I'm beginning to believe that there is no difference between protection and persecution." Azula paused, "It seems everything in life is too good to be true." 

"You're being ridiculous," Zuko snorted. He waved away the remark with little more than a thought. Azula didn't make a move to leave. Instead she straightened her shoulders and captured that intimidating and beautiful aura she'd always held. 

"The word garden is nothing more than an anagram for danger. Just as heart is to hater, live is to evil, present is to serpent, and secure is to rescue." Azula noted with a cool yet calm tone. "Think on that...brother."


	8. Numbness

The argument between the two fire nation siblings hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone. Well, it did help that Azula made quite a tantrum. Ty Lee had practically been knocked aside as the princess stormed from Zuko's room with her hands smoldering. 

Zuko gave a loud grown and punched at his desk in anger. Thinking it wise to go unnoticed Ty Lee backed away quickly. Zuko, however, was eager to find some sort of resolution and with a long sigh followed his sister's path. 

Kiyi, who had been practicing the few tricks Ty Lee had taught her, now sat at the table with her father and Ursa who both listened to her enthusiastic conversation. All talk soon died as all three sets of eyes were attracted to Azula's entrance. 

"Oh no..." Ursa muttered. Azula's shoulders were straight and tense and her brows were scrunched in silent rage. Ursa was surprised, not by how angry her daughter was, but that the entire palace hadn't burned down yet. 

"Azula, I'm sorry. I didn't handle that appropriately just...hear me out." Zuko pleaded pausing in the center of the room. Azula's response was nothing short of a growl. "I want what's best for you."

"One more word and I will incinerate you on the spot." Azula hissed. Kiyi's eyes widened as she studied the arguing siblings. 

"Y-you can incinerate people?" She squeaked to which her father clamped a nervous hand over her mouth. Azula's heated glare settled on her younger half sister. 

"I can do a lot of things." 

"Stand down," Zuko's warning was nervous. He couldn't deny the amount of power his sister held. 

"Zuko, stop." The fire lord glanced over his shoulder to find Ty Lee with Mai perched in the hallway next to her. Both wore expressions of concern. 

"Oh look. You brought the cavalry." Azula huffed crossing her arms. 

"For your defense." Mai quipped dryly. 

"What?!" Zuko's jaw practically unhinged. 

"What?" Ursa stood looking confusedly from one person to another. "Someone, please explain what's going on." 

"All I said wa-"

To Azula's surprise Ursa held up a polite hand to silence Zuko. "From the looks of it your sister's perspective is the most concerning at the moment seeing as how she's threatened to incinerate you." 

"Well, this is a turn of events." Mai's eyebrows arched. 

"Zuko insists on removing me from the palace." Azula's tone had dropped surprisingly. 

"What?!" Kiyi yelled batting her father's hand away. "You can't do that! How else am I going to learn fire-bending?!"

"I could teach you." Zuko noted. 

"Can you make blue fire?" Kiyi raised her eyebrow expectantly. "Not from what I know." 

Azula's lips twitched into a smug smile. Ursa sighed turning to her youngest child, "Kiyi, honey, that's not helpful right now." 

"Mother, the point is, she's a danger to herself and people here. I'm only wanting a compromise that benefits both parties." Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Zuko, with all do respect, I think your opinion is...um, misinformed." Ty Lee wasn't used to being the one who spoke up about issues but her timid start still caught the attention of others. "See, I don't think Azula is the problem. The care here is. I was with her when the nurses tried to help her. They don't know what they're doing. I don't think they've had experience with someone like Azula." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Azula scowled. 

"Shut up, I'm trying to help you." Ty Lee smacked her forehead in disbelief. To everyone's amazement Azula bit her tongue. "I can handle things. We already talked earlier about what to do."

"Did you?" Ursa asked in a hardly disguised awe. 

"Well, more or less. I was actually trying to frighten the runt but..." Azula gave a shrug and only the tiniest twitch of a smile on Kiyi's direction. 

"Then I don't see the problem." 

"Do you really want that responsibility?" Zuko questioned, first gesturing at Azula then looking at the acrobat. 

"I'm responsible!" Ty Lee insisted. 

Mai gave a snort of laughter, "Right."

"Oh, shut up." Ty Lee pouted. 

"Great, let a five year old handle this. Fine, I guess, whatever..." Zuko shook his head and turned to leave. Azula in her pride snapped her fingers sending a wisp of blue flame to lick at Zuko's rear. 

With an undignified yelp the fire lord walked briskly away. Ursa gave Azula a stern look to which Azula provided an innocent expression in return. 

"So are you really gonna teach me how to incinerate someone?" Kiyi asked skeptically. 

"Kiyi!" Her father sighed. 

"Anything you want to learn." A peculiar gleam settled in Azula's eyes both frightening and somehow endearing. 

"You're not sculpting her into a horrible weapon." Ty Lee chastised. 

"What about a small one?" 

"No." 

"Yes!" Kiyi hollered giving an evil laugh and scampering off to who knew where. 

"Something tells me we should follow." Ursa frowned. With that the room cleared except for the three girls. 

"Zuko can be insensitive." Mai noted.

"I've noticed for years." Azula replied dryly. 

"Hmm." Mai gave an amused hum. "Well, I'm going to go read." 

"What about?" Ty Le asked curiously. 

"How to choke someone out fifty different ways. I heard it's good." 

"That's... well that's a little dark." Ty Lee pinched her fingers together only leaving a small space. 

"Ty Lee, have you not known me my entire life?" Mai rolled her eyes before heading to the library with a lazy wave goodbye. 

"I'm going into town." 

"What for?" 

"I feel like doing something...impulsive." Azula mused. 

"That's not a good idea." Ty Lee shook her head. 

"Who said it had to be a bad idea?" The princess quipped stretching her arms over her head. "Fun is a very flexible term."   
—-  
And that was how the two girls ended up in their current predicament. 

"By fun I didn't think you meant upsetting an entire bar of recently released criminals!" Ty Lee growled. 

"They were in the way of my view." Azula replied flippantly. 

"Your view of what? The bathroom?!" 

"No, my view of an old man getting robbed outside the window." 

"What?!" 

"Kidding." Azula laughed, eyes narrowing at the approaching hog of a-man. He swung wildly with his fist. With her arms tucked behind her back Azula tripped him with a simple jut of the foot. "Who's next?"

In a minute or two the entire bar was on the floor completely paralyzed. The only person left unharmed was a young boy maybe twelve and his little sister. The two both held brooms and dirty aprons. 

"Wow." The boy whispered in awe exposing his gap toothed mouth. 

"Uh...don't tell anyone?" Ty Lee asked nervously. 

"Don't tell anyone?! No way! You guys just saved us!" The boy smiled brightly. 

"What?" Ty Lee frowned in confusion. 

"I told you they were blocking my view." Azula noted blandly. "Next time kids, leave the smelly ones outside." 

"Yes Ma'am." He nodded as his little sister smiled. With a roll of the shoulders Azula stepped outside. 

"That was fun. It's been a while since I've experienced anything exhilarating." The princess smelled the fresh air with a slight wrinkle of the nose. "What are you staring at?"

"Nothing." Ty Lee said quickly, unsure how Azula knew she was watching her without looking. 

"You're a horrible liar."

"You just confuse me." The acrobat admitted. 

"Is that so?" Azula mused. "I confuse a lot of people. It's funny really." 

"What are you scheming?" Ty Lee frowned. "There's a purpose for what just happened." 

"There's always a purpose. Only, it's for me to know and you to not find out." The princess finally glanced over her shoulder at Ty Lee. Azula really was a basket case, both in a good way and a bad way. She played games because they were fun. 

She wasn't genuinely a good person, not yet at least, but she wasn't quite bad either. She liked games and if it meant doing a decent deed to keep people on their toes so be it. 

What was somehow charming about the princess' look was the utter complexity of her expression. It left the acrobat wanting to figure it out, to solve the damn puzzle she'd just claimed responsibility for. 

"You still have to know that speech." Azula interrupted her thoughts. 

"I haven't seen it." 

"Precisely." Azula smirked. 

"You make no sense." Ty Lee huffed. 

"All in due time." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Answers are a reward of patience. I find that I never know them either. Then again, I do, to an extent." The playful look in Azula's eyes drove Ty Lee mad. She was playing with her, mocking her, because the princess knew Ty Lee's wit did not match her own. 

The town lights began to flicker on as darkness slowly began to settle. The day had worn away quickly in all that had happened. 

"Your irritation is showing." 

"I have a right to be irritated." Ty Lee argued. 

"Whatever for? You've gotten what you wanted. I'm at your disposal. Do as you wish to heal my 'troubled mind'." Azula's air quotes sent a hot rod of irritation down Ty Lee's spine. 

"Is everything always going to be a game to you?" The amount of steel in the acrobats voice was practically foreign to the world. "Seriously, what is it? What's your grand end game?"

"One moment you're falling apart at the seams, the next you're fine, then you're enraged, and now you're mocking?! Who are you?" Azula's eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise at the violence behind the acrobat's brown irises. 

"That's the question everyone's trying to answer isn't it?" Azula didn't smile, gave no hint of her remark being sly, and yet it was still enraging.

"No, that's the question you're creating." Ty Lee shook her head and tore her eyes away from the princess. "I think I get it actually." 

"If you've solved my life, please tell me the answer." Azula scoffed crossing her arms. 

"You want people to stay on their toes. It's how you thrive, it's where you're comfortable. You're trying to hide your weakness because of your pride. Somehow I think the real Azula is starting to figure herself out and you're uncertain." Ty Lee had started and it was unlikely she was going to stop. "You've opened up about things no one ever knew. Your past, your feelings, things you've done, and more. Talking about it, expressing it, is fixing you. But you're not sure how to act. You're actually afraid to heal. But why in the world would you want to hold on to your pain?" 

"You will find in this world that some people are addicted to a certain kind of sadness." The princess' tone surprised the acrobat and once again Ty Lee was amazed to see Azula's facade slip once more. It was getting harder for the fire bender to maintain her charade around the acrobat. Ty Lee was learning. She was beginning to understand and once that happened there was only so much effort Azula could expend to remain in control. 

"Why?" 

"You wouldn't understand." Azula laughed, watching the stars peek out of the hazy clouds. 

"Try me. I think I've done better than anyone else trying to figure you out." 

"You know my history with, ah, dark thoughts, inflicted harm, distrust, etcetera but you have yet to realize that there is more than my past to the equation." 

"Azula." Ty Lee stepped firmly in front of her friend demanding attention both from her taller height and in the tone of her voice. "For once, only once, be the real you. The one you're starting to be, the one you're afraid of." 

The two girls held eye contact for a long time and Ty Lee watched a battle unfold in Azula's eyes. It was a battle of pride and admission, submission and power, reluctance and willingness. 

"I play games because I am unsatisfied. There is nothing these days that holds my attention. I dominated cities. You saw me do it. I did the impossible. Why, what else is there for me to do?" The question held a sense of hopelessness in it. A soft bitterness to the words. "You don't know what a perpetual boredom feels like. It's a numbness that doesn't go away. I never feel. The only time I do it's anger or something unsettling. Something dark. But...it's still a feeling." 

"You're afraid you won't feel anything if you don't hold onto your past?" Ty Lee's question was soft. Azula's gaze flickered to the pathway. 

"What else is there to feel if I can't find something that makes me excited or happy? I'd rather be cynical than numb." Azula's gaze flicked briefly back to Ty Lee. "Would you blame me for that?"

"I wouldn't blame anyone for feeling." Ty Lee shook her head. 

"You know you're not that different." 

"How so?"

"Well, at least with Mai there's some fluctuation with her emotions, but with you...it's different. You're always happy, always enthusiastic, and when I see that I can't help but have a small part of me hate it. Hate you. I can't recall the last time I've seen you upset. The last time I've seen you hurt." A small laugh was followed by a small shake of the head. "Is it cruel that I want you to feel pain sometimes?" 

"I think...that maybe, you're too busy trying to feel something rather than nothing, that you miss the emotions of people in front of you." A silence settled between the two friends for some time. 

"Is that your way of saying I'm selfish?" 

"No, I'm saying it's your way of protecting yourself." Azula tilted her head in question. "While you want to feel pain, I think part of you doesn't want to be the cause of someone else's."

"Do I cause you pain?" 

"Yes." 

"How?" 

"Because I've been nothing more than a support for you and for some reason you still feel the need to protect yourself against me." Ty Lee's voice was hardly above a whisper. "You said you forgave me for what happened at the boiling rock but you didn't mean it did you?" 

"I meant it even if it was a calloused and hurried thing." The princess gave a shrug. "I protect myself from the unpredictable. It's the unpredictable that has always uprooted me. It was my mother, my father, once upon a time it was you, and it has been almost everyone since then." 

"You said once, for me." 

"I'm not very good at resisting your unpredictability am I?" Azula arched a brow. "It's almost a non existent factor at this point. No more energy needs to be wasted on a defense that doesn't work." 

"I see." Ty Lee gave a slow nod and stepped aside to stand next to Azula. The princess' gaze settled once more on the sky. "If you don't mind my asking, what did you see that made you take on the whole bar?" 

"There was a man," Azula began voice oddly soft, "to his right there was a woman. She was hardly noticeable, a small one, but she was frail. Their mother based on stature, but she owns the place by how she submits so easily to them. She expects to be taken advantage of. It's a normal routine. They walk in, take as they please, and if she wants to come close to what it costs to serve them she can't protest what happens. The kids, they can't either." 

Ty Lee was once again amazed by Azula's calculations. No one would have suspected she'd seen so much and so subtly too. 

"When a man spits on a boy and his mother because he can, the man is a pig who needs to be beat. When the man lifts the hem of a little girl's skirt because he can, he deserves to die." There was a bitter venom in Azula's voice. 

"You didn't kill anyone." Ty Lee frowned. 

"Not physically, but a mark can go a long way from what I've learned." A small blue flame danced across Azula's fingers. "Father used to brand pedophiles with scars." 

Ty Lee felt a sickness twist in her gut. 

"He would burn their hands so everyone knew they had done things that were cruel. I guess he got something right, though looking back, he probably should have burned his own." The flame snapped off suddenly and Ty Lee could see Azula's walls slowly rebuild. "He won't be touching anything for a long time." 

There was something else behind Azula's words that Ty Lee wanted to pry at but she refrained. She had gone far enough tonight. Azula turned away from the sky and her back faced the town. "It's cruel I know, and you can dislike me for it, but some people don't learn otherwise." 

"Perhaps he deserved it." Ty Lee's words brought a look of raw surprise on Azula's face as she glanced at her tall and lanky friend. "Don't seem so surprised. I did shove a set of chopsticks up someone's nose in the cafeteria once at the academy." 

Ty Lee's bright smile brought a small flash of teeth from Azula and a soft chuckle of amusement, "I suppose a part of you will always be the same."


	9. Breezes

"You're certain about this?" Zuko questioned, walking slowly with Ty Lee beside him. They were near the balcony, below was a waiting and curious crowd. "You haven't seen it before." 

"I know." Ty Lee swallowed nervously. "But that's how Azula wanted it and that's how it's going to be." 

"Well there's still time to back out of it. I can make something up on the spot." Zuko offered, his hands rested on the handles to the balcony doors. Once open there was no going back. 

"I can do this." Ty Lee insisted. She recalled a few of Azula's pointers and hurriedly straightened her posture. 

"Then so be it." Zuko took a deep breath and swung the hinges oaks wide open. A thunderous applause greeted him. Mai joined Zuko on the balcony but gave Ty Lee an encouraging smile on the way out. The acrobat was reminded just how regal of a couple they were. "Good evening!"

More applause. 

"Thank you all for taking time from your day to gather here." Zuko gave the crowd a thankful bow. "Under normal circumstances a gathering would not be held but I have been informed that many of you wished to here from the princess." 

There was a resounding shout of agreement. 

"I regret to inform you that the princess herself has not been able to make an appearance today." Zuko paused. "However, a dear friend of mine will be delivering her words."

Zuko gestured to Ty Lee who hesitantly journeyed out onto the balcony, in her hand she clutched multiple pages of parchment. The crowd gave a timid applause before slowly dulling. 

There was, thankfully, a microphone mounted to the railing-a new invention made by fire nation engineers. It was by no means perfect but it certainly helped amplify voices. 

With shaking fingers the acrobat carefully unfolded the pages. "I should introduce myself I suppose. Uhm, my name is Ty Lee and I have been a long time friend of Lord Zuko and the princess'. Which is why I was given this." 

Ty Lee held up the speech as if they could read it. "The princess has trusted me to deliver what she's written. I don't believe I'll ever live up to her public prowess but...I will do my best." 

The crowd was silent, listening, and waiting for what was to come. The acrobat glanced down at the parchment and steeled her nerves. 

"It may seem foolish for me to send someone else before you, but I know that I am not so loved as it may seem, and though times have changed my face will be associated with lies." 

Ty Lee paused. She wasn't sure what she'd expected but she didn't expect the intro to be so somber. 

"My face and legacy shall not hinder my words and therefore I have trusted someone much kinder than myself." 

The acrobat smiles faintly. 

"It is not lost on me that I am a creature of destruction and hate. It is not lost on me that I have brought down a hand of violence upon every nation within these oceans. I have always deserved your hate, I have always deserved the fate that befell me, but I ask that you try to understand me as I have tried to understand you." 

Ty Lee glanced up from the speech and looked to Zuko. He gave her an encouraging nod seemingly entranced as was the crowd. 

"My youth was a disastrous tragedy that dwarfs any play you have seen in the commons. As much as my father told you I was a prodigy he told a partial lie. While my skill was above average there was suffering that came with it. From the moment I could walk I was locked in the training rooms. Countless hours were spent perfecting each individual move until I could no longer keep from collapsing." 

There was a murmur if surprise that ripples through the commoners. 

"From there I lost my rights as a child. There was no time to play, no time to be nurtured by any loving hand. Studies became my life as did bending. My father demanded I adopt a creed, one he promised would deliver me to the throne as a rightful heir far better than my brother. " 

Ty Lee did not stop in her speech until she would finish. 

It was a necessity that I turn away from any distraction. Fire lords were not distracted by silly desires to walk among the market stalls. It was a necessity that I should not be weak. Fire lords did not cry, they did not show empathy, they were the epitome of a strong nation. It was a necessity that I hate my brother. Fire lords were to rise above everyone, they should destroy anyone that considered themselves an equal. Dominance was the answer. It was a necessity that I did not trust because a fire lord that trusts surely dies. But most importantly it was a necessity that I follow his orders. 

When I was young I killed a man at my father's command and I did not hesitate. When I was young I allowed him to use me as he pleased. When I was young I was nothing besides his device. The details of what transpired behind these walls are too gruesome to explain in more depth. 

And while I suffered my mother sought to protect my brother from the tragedy that I was slowly becoming, and in the process I was forgotten. My little mind learned a false sense of love and affection but still I yearned for her to love me as she loved my brother. 

I was foolish enough to scar myself in hopes that I would be coddled as Zuko had after a training accident. For once my plans did not work. When my mother left I was alone once more. 

There was no one to teach me what it was to be a girl. I could not turn to my father for advice and in my pride I refused the help of servants. My entire existence was a lie that you did not know. 

Beneath my power, beneath my biting remarks, beneath my strength, I was a broken child. I was used and thrown aside by my father and it was then that every truth I knew came crashing down. He did not love me as I had imagined. He did not care an ounce. All the times he told me I was better than Zuko, were lies. I was worse than my brother. I was not banished, I was left to die when the avatar sought to stop our nation's assault.  

My years of therapy have done little to ease my troubled mind. I cannot shake my desire to die, my desire to be numb, my desire to be a phantom within these walls. For who am I? I am not the princess you once knew, I am not the conqueror of my youth, I have done far greater things than many can dream. What is left for me besides sorrow? 

While my past does not excuse my actions I beg that you forgive me. That you be patient as I learn to stand on my feet, not as a weapon, but as a person. I will not be perfect, it hurts to say that I never was. 

My initiative for the United Forces is a promise that I am striving to be what I was not in my youth. It may take years but one day I will emerge as a person you would not fear but befriend. Until that time, please, do not demand more than what I can willingly give. 

I have spent too much of my life expending my well being for the sake of others. Whether those others were of an evil aura or not, I have given away too many pieces to recognize myself anymore. 

In the end, I leave you with this: I am who I am, I cannot change the past, I will never deny that I have done irreparable harm; but I am who I am and that is a visionary who has only ever served the nation she was born in. 

Forgive me,   
For I am not your princess, I never was. To my father I was his weapon and to you I was an abuser. There is no title to my name. There is no more princess. 

Ty Lee slowly folded the papers as they had been before and hastily wiped the tears that rested on her cheeks. The silence was something she had never heard before. The fire nation was never so quiet as it was in that moment. 

The acrobat turned to Zuko and gave a curt nod before retreating inside.

— — —  
Azula sat perched upon her windowsill, eyes closed, listening to the words of her own writing. If she wanted to she could lean forward and leave the kingdom with those words. Leave them with the promise that she was not their princes. 

The breeze ruffled the loose strands of hair that framed her face. The moment of peace came to an end when the bedroom door was pushed open. "Azula?" 

"Shh." The princess held up a hand. "No need to fret." 

"Were you listening?" The acrobat worried, wondering if the words she'd said had triggered something within the princess as they had before. 

"Yes." Came the soft drawl of a reply. The princess still did not open her eyes. "You did far better than I expected." 

Ty Lee stood there for a moment, blinking, had she been sincerely complimented. "I didn't do anything besides read." 

"Hmm." Azula mused, swinging her leg in the open space. "Sometimes reading is better than reciting. There's more within the voice." 

The acrobat very hesitantly climbed into the remaining space and leaning against the window frame as the princess did. "What's brought you to the window?" 

"I had the fleeting urge." Azula admitted. "But then this delightful breeze came and I decided I'd rather sit and feel it." 

"Well," Ty Lee sighed, "I'm glad you didn't." 

"Why?" 

"How many times do I have to say it's because you're my friend?" Ty Lee frowned, wishing that Azula would actually open her eyes for once. 

"Because I like hearing it." The princess mocked, but Ty Lee could have sworn there was a bit of truth to the words. 

"What were you thinking of when you wanted to..."

"Us, as children, with Mai and Zuko. Simpler times. How I used to scale palace walls and trees never having the fear of falling." Azula rested her head back against the window frame. Ty Lee noticed the elegant slope of her jaw as light fluttered in pale skin. "I always had those fleeting thoughts of what it'd be like to jump. To feel the wind tear at my clothes, to feel it sting my eyes, it made me smile." 

"Azul-"

"For so long I never knew why but I understand it now." Azula's eyes fluttered open and lazily found their way to meet the acrobat's. "I've always been in love with falling because of the freedom in it. There was never a chance that anyone could catch me, if I wanted I could stop myself, and if I didn't..." 

Azula shrugged. Ty Lee seemed to understand, "You like the choice of controlling your own fate." 

"Yes." The princess nodded. 

"You can control it in other ways. In ways where you don't taunt yourself with death." Ty Lee fidgeted with her fingers. 

"I know." The princess closed her eyes again. "Which is why I'm here isn't it? Not down there."

"What do you have control over that isn't falling from a window?" 

"You." The word, if taken out of context and tone would seem threatening, crazy, but it was spoken with an odd softness. "I can determine what you mean to me. You are not my blood and therefore our standing isn't already decided. You are not tethered to my family as Mai is due to Zuko. I do not have to accept you as a brother or a future sister." 

"I see." 

"I can have you as my friend, a mentor, a companion, a simple acquaintance if I choose." Azula smiles to herself. "There is flexibility within four standings." 

"I thought you didn't like change?" Ty Lee frowned. 

"Unpredictable change." Azula corrected. 

"You said I was unpredictable." 

"Which is what makes you predictable dear Ty Lee." There was a small chuckle that resonated from the princess' throat. "I can control this, as I can control this setting. If I wanted I could turn you away. I have the freedom and choice to do so."

"So I'm just some sort of object to you." The acrobat couldn't help but feel deflated. 

"No. You are no object. You are...like a candle. Something substantial, needed, a source, an outlet. Should I light you, you will lead my path in the dark, and should I snuff you, it means not that I have thrown you out, but that I need not project my pain upon you. That you will remain until I need you once more." 

"Azula, I cannot stay here forever." Ty Lee did not wish to bring up the topic but Azula made it seem as if Ty Lee were a permanent fixture on the palace. "I have duties of my own." 

"Of course." The princess' eyebrows creased slightly together. "Do you think candles never melt? I have always known that you will leave, it's your nature, our personal nature can't be changed." 

Those words were in stark contrast compared to the speech Ty Lee had delivered moments before. Azula has made it seem as if she beloved all people could change who they used to be and yet, here she was, stating that it was impossible. "But you said-"

"I know what I said." The sentence was curt and Azula's tone had clearly shifted. Something, whatever had brought the princess peace, was gone now. "I know." 

Ty Lee stood carefully and straightened her attire. "There's still time. Perhaps another day or two. I can still help you, only if you wish, meditating is something easy to learn." 

"I'll consider it. Please, I'd like to be alone again." The acrobat took the warning and let the princess be.   
— — —  
Azula's throat tightened with sadness. What had she expected? The acrobat has slowly begun to win her over once more only to disappear. 

The breeze had disappeared. Azula no longer found peace in her spot at the window. She stood and drew the glass shut before she could think of darker ideas. 

It was true that the breeze had called her to stop but the breeze brought with it a scent from the past. It sprung forth childhood memories that Azula had forgotten. 

Of course, the princess knew who the scent belonged to, she'd positioned herself to watch the speech, and the wind had drifted along carrying with it the perfume of a pink clad girl. 

Even as the acrobat sat in the window the breeze continued to bombard her sensitive nose. And then it stopped, and with it, Ty Lee assured that she would stop as the breeze had. 

And as the gentle air gave pause Azula was reminded once more of who she really was and just how unfair fate treated her. The trigger had spring the trap and she no longer felt content but bitter.


	10. Storms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sensitive content ahead! Read at your own discretion!

Azula’s time at home was limited. Republic City faced challenges early on in its development and it was time she took charge as promised.   
“But what do I do while you’re gone? Whose going to teach me?” Kiyi pleaded looking at the princess with glistening eyes.   
“There are plenty of experienced benders.” Azula replied.   
“But they aren’t you.” Kiyi sighed. The youngest fire nation sibling was escorted away by her father allowing Ursa to say goodbye to her eldest daughter.   
“You be safe.”   
“I am ever careful.” Azula noted, “It’s only sailing and perhaps a few pirates to deal with.”   
“You can’t be sure.” Ursa worried.   
“No one is ever sure of anything.” Azula shrugged. In truth she was looking forward to sailing. The palace was increasingly stifling.   
“Good luck.” Zuko interrupted, knowing his mother would begin to cry in another moment or two and Azula wouldn’t know how to respond.   
“You too brother.” Azula nodded to him curtly. Mai said nothing but her expression was soft.   
She’d watched Azula grow over the years and it was strange watching the eighteen year old head off alone. It shouldn’t have been, but it was because even at fourteen she had help. This time Azula truly was alone.   
“How much longer until you go?” Zuko asked.   
“Not long. I have a few more provisions to take care of.” Azula politely excused herself and walked briskly off towards her quarters. The walls were bare as were most of the features in her room-and she determined to strip it clean.   
Her presence there was to be unknown. This was her chance to erase her presence from the palace for good. What she didn’t pack she burned. A few of the servants paused to bid her farewell but Azula was hardly listening. She’d been set on this trip for a while now. There was no point in having attachments to a place that housed only nightmares.   
Perhaps, at a different time, she would have stayed. But there was no one keeping her there anymore. In fact, part of Azula was beginning to understand Ty Lee’s restlessness. There was freedom in traveling. One was the master of their own fate.   
Azula slunk out of the back way to the palace. She didn’t want to see the others again. There was no point in rehashing al last had been said already. Slinging her pack over one shoulder the princess walked briskly down to the docks.   
A fleet of ships were harbored with their engines sending a gentle thrum of ripples through the water. As the soldiers took sight of their general they filed aboard to take heir positions. Azula acknowledged none of them.   
She only spoke to her second in command for the briefest of moments, “I suppose your captains have studied the maps?”   
“Yes.”   
“Then set sail. The swifter our pursuit is the better.” And with that Azula disappeared to her quarters.   
— — —  
The ship rocked ever so slightly as she read beneath the candle light. The isolation here was different. It was warm, simple, comfortable, and quiet. Azula enjoyed it more than she had her room.   
With a content sigh Azula set aside the papers she’d been reading to stare at the cabin door. At last she gave in to the urge. Bare feet met cool metal and the princess padded silently to the door. Easing it open she journeyed out onto the deck that remained empty. The only one who should have been awake was watchman-but Azula knew he wasn’t. Her gaze shifted up towards the moon in its gentle sliver. It’s light bounces harmlessly across the Still ocean making an ethereal glow.   
Salt filled the air and the princess took a deep breath savoring the scent. She’d forgotten how relaxing it was to be at sea. Closing her eyes she leaned upon the railing to gaze down at the ghost colored water.   
Part of her wondered what was swimming below. Which creatures were looking up at the ship’s hulking frame in curiosity.   
A gentle caw drew the princess’ attention. A messenger hawk landed upon the railing. It sulked over to where she stood and muzzle her pale hand. Azula carefully freed the message and unfolded it with grace. She absent mindset stroked at the bird’s feathers.   
She recognized the handwriting at once and her stomach coiled in revulsion. She had told her not to bother with messages or any communication for that matter.   
“It appears people hardly listen,” Azula sighed, meeting eyes with the hawk. “I wish for once in my life that I truly would be with my own thoughts unbothered.”   
The hawk made a small purring noise in its throat and leaned further into the princes‘ touch.   
“I don’t understand how Zuko can complain about banishment. I think I would have enjoyed it.” A soft smile played across Azula’s face as she watched the creature. “But alas...here we are. And the question remains, what do I do with this?” 

The princess looked back at the piece of parchment. She hadn’t bothered to read it before but she supposed it was the least she could do.   
I heard the fleet was destined to set off today. I can’t say I’m not disappointed I didn’t get to see it. I’m sure it was a fine sight watching all of those new vessels tear open the water.   
And no matter what you feel towards me at the moment I do wish you luck. The island has been facing troubles of its own and I can only imagine the dangers ahead on your own journey. Be careful. The nation needs you. You’re the greatest mind it’s ever cultivated whether you believe it or not.   
As a friend I just ask that you contemplate your own safety too. It’s not cowardly. It’s logical. And lastly I want to apologize for our standings. It wasn’t supposed to end up like it did. I just wish you would tell me things before I found them out on my own.   
~Ty Lee 

“I don’t think a response is needed.” Azula decided replacing the paper in its holder. “I’m sorry you have to return my friend. It’s a long journey. Take care.”   
The hawk lingered for a moment before taking off in a flutter of rushed wings. Azula watched its form disappear in the light of the moon and wondered if it would in fact return alright.   
Then, with a prolonged sigh, the princess headed back towards her cabin. But the letter had brought back a memory she hadn’t thought about in a while. Nearly a month to be exact.   
But laying there in bed with her eyes closed the memory resurfaced anew.   
There was a storm. The lightning raged about in a frantic frenzy and Azula was pacing about anxiously. She couldn’t sleep. There was no way. The last time a storm that bad had happened-a shiver raced down her spine.   
Her thoughts were broken by a gentle knock on the door. Without thinking much Azula opened the door expecting someone else. The name was perched on her tongue and half uttered, “Fath-“   
“Who?” Ty Lee asked only half hearing.   
“Nothing. What it is?” Azula asked hurriedly.   
“Nothing I just heard you talking to yourself.” The acrobat frowned. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”   
“I wasn’t talking to myself.” Azula argued.   
“You were.” Ty Lee insisted. “You sounded afraid.”   
“I’m not afraid.” Azula growled.   
“It’s not an insult!” Ty Lee insisted. “I’m concerned.”   
“You will see that everything is fine.” Azula stepped aside allowing Ty Lee into her room. The acrobat carefully stepped inside. Her eyes scanned the room carefully trying to pick up on any out of place details.   
Another flash of lightning and she noticed the stiffening of the princess’ shoulders, the eyes darting to the door, and the way her fingers twitched nervously. Ty Lee was missing something.   
Pacing slowly she glanced over the contents of Azula’s desk. Everything was organized as it should have been aside from a book laying open. Her eyes then traveled to the window. It was latched shut. Everything seemed to be in place until another flash of lightning revealed something she had never seen before.   
Clambering onto the bed Ty Lee examined the headboard. A very faint handprint was etched into its surface. When the light hit it just right it was easy to spot, but other wise it went unnoticed. Curiously, the acrobat placed her hand over the imprint. Her slender palm and fingers were dwarfed in comparison.   
“How’d this get here?” Ty Lee asked, voice hushed.   
“It was an accident of mine.”   
“Your hand isn’t the right size.” Ty Lee frowned. She noticed Azula’s shifty nature, the way her shoulders hunched, the way her arms were protectively wrapped around her shoulders, the way she stood with her legs rigid and together. “Please, tell me the truth.”   
“You’re prying for information you don’t need to know.” Azula snapped, eyes smoldering.   
“Alright.” The acrobat nodded. She made no move to leave the room. “At least lay down and rest.”  
“I don’t need a baby’ sitter.”   
“I won’t be able to sleep knowing you’re upset whatever the source may be.” Realizing it was futile to argue Azula plopped onto the bed and curled on her side. She forced her eyes closed determined to fall asleep and forget about the entire mess at hand. But her mind produced a vivid past.   
— — —  
There was a knock on the door. She responded with ease having been awake anyways. In the doorway stood a familiar figure. “Father? Has something occurred?”   
There was no response and something twisted on the Princess’s stomach at the sight of his glazed golden eyes. The Fire lord appeared to be in some sort of trance.   
She couldn’t quiet remember how it had happened. He’d yelled, cursed, and insisted she was her mother. Insisted that Azula was there to take revenge. But instead she would fail, and he would have his own revenge. He would make sure that she never left again. That he was firelord and there was not a soul in the universe that could disobey him.   
Azula recalled the way she’d yelled at him. Yelled that she wasn’t her mother, that he was delusional, that he was sick, that something was wrong, and that he needed help. But even still the name kept slipping from his tongue and it was not her own.   
A storm raged outside like the storm within the princess’ room. She had cried that night, tried to fend him off, but her father was the strongest man she knew. He took everything he wanted with little consequence.   
It hurt. Like metal rods shooting into skin. The pain turned into an aggressive fire fizzling into a steady burning sensation. It was the first time the princess learned that the body didn’t always respond to the mind. It acted of its own accord.   
Encouraging each movement as new sensations were discovered. All the while it ate away at her conscience. There was no way to stop and yet succumbing would only make it worse.   
And still she knew, she was not herself. The things that slipped from her tongue would never have been uttered. The things she did would never have occurred.   
When all went still she felt the phantom weight suffocating her. Felt the strange emptiness otherwise unknown to her, and the emptiness was painful. Part of her wished the deed hadn’t finished. Then the pain wouldn’t be as bad, it wouldn’t burn, it wouldn’t send rods of ice through her bones, and it wouldn’t ache.   
There was blood that much she knew. She could feel the warmth present between her thighs, knew it was the source of pain, and yet she was afraid to move. Should she wake the sleeping bear...well there were other things that could be done.   
But the ache was unbearable. So with care she extracted herself from the once familiar embrace to slink off to the washroom. She stayed in the bath for hours staring blankly at the wall. Watching he water turn a faint shade of pink.   
When she finally retired back to bed her legs threatened to give out at the last few steps. With a set jaw she pushed on. Then, as before, she was pulled into a sleeping embrace.   
It was warm, kind, and though she wanted so badly to hate the owner of those gentle arms she couldn’t. For they were the first to hold her in years. They belonged to the person who had uttered words of love.   
Still...anger boiled below the surface, and the conflicting emotions turned into tears. Nothing made sense anymore except for one thing. The way her father had always said she looked impossibly like her mother-and that her looks had been the cause of it all.   
— — —  
The princess startled awake. She was aware of and arm slung across her shoulders, aware of someone else in her bed, and instinct took over.   
Ty Lee was woken to the sound of heavy breathing and the glint of something flashing in the air. She barely had time to react.   
“Azula! What are you doing?!” The acrobat stood with her back pressed against the wall, eyes wide, and mouth gaping in awe as a fiend flash of lightning further illuminated the scenery.   
Azula held a wicked looking blade in hand. If had been ticked snugly beneath her pillow, and she’d just tried to attack her friend with it.   
Ty Lee watched as Azula glanced at the weapon in confusion before letting it clatter to the ground. “I-“  
“You almost killed me.” The acrobat couldn’t keep her anger in check. “I asked you if something was wrong!”   
“I know.” Azula breathed. “I didn’t mean to-I don’t know what...”   
“I care about you Azula but I can’t keep doing this game with you if I’m going to end up hurt or worse. I can’t keep asking you to let me help if you’re going to keep lying. It’s not healthy for you or me.”   
“Just go.” The princess voice was hardly above a whisper. “You leave tomorrow. Just get going. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-it was just a bad dream.”   
“Azula-“   
“No really. I just had a bad dream that’s all. I forgot I had that under my pillow. It was a mistake. I’m sorry.” Azula was surprisingly calm and it was this calmness that allowed Ty Lee to hesitantly leave.   
But the calmness wasn’t meant to last. Azula was left to cry until the storm passed, and Ty Lee was left to seek information on her own.   
Zuko was the one to tell her. It made her sick, and part of her wanted to return to the princess and hold her, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t risk it anymore. Not after what had just happened. She’d done enough to help her and it was time Azula started learning how to help herself.   
— — —  
When the memories faded at last, Azula lay staring at her ceiling like she had that night in the bath. Her chest ached in a way she couldn’t explain.   
She remembered the difference between those two embraces and the realization of her response to each sent her rushing to the railing to be sick. She had turned into the embrace of a psychotic father and had tried to kill the embrace of a loving friend. It was entirely backwards. How could she hate what was right and somehow love what was wrong?   
“I don’t know who I am anymore.” The words came out as a son for only the water to hear. “Why doesn’t anything make sense anymore? Why can’t it just be like it was? I just want to be me.”


	11. The Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The *** breaks signal flash backs/ Azula’s Fever dreams. The normal breaks — — — mean the following paragraph is in present time.   
> This is because my phone cannot for some reason use any of the fancy tools here on AO3 without losing its damn mind so please forgive me. If you want the cleaner nicer looking version you can find tbis same work on Wattpad under the same title!

The rest Azula desired wasn't given. She fell into a fever the following day. One so intense and nerve racking that the captain ordered a return to the Fire Nation. He was certain that had Azula been well enough to know what was happening she'd have had his head-but she wasn't. Instead, the princess was lying in a mess of sheets soaked with sweat. She remained partially aware while simultaneously in a perpetual slumber. It wasn't until the soldiers returned her to the palace that an answer was given. Zuko had a sneaking suspicion of what was taking place and when Iroh arrived it was confirmed. Azula was experiencing the same struggle Zuko had. A splitting of a soul where two dragons warred over the same mind which remained at a cross roads. To be or not to be. Who you were and who you are. All there was and all there will be. "Can we help her?" Mai asked, wearing a small expression of worry. "No," Iroh shook his head sympathetically, "this must be done alone. For now we make sure she is alive." "How long will this last?" Ursa fretted. "As long as it takes her to decide what path she wishes to take," Iroh frowned, "and I am afraid this will be much harder than it was for — Approximately One Week Later— 

Azula was catatonic. She did not eat, drink, speak, or move. It was quite literally like watching a person decay. Her cheeks grew sunken, her lips chapped, her skin paled drastically, and her weight seemed to vanish. All the while Ursa, Zuko, Iroh, And Mai took turns watching over the fallen princess.

"Perhaps the Avatar can help," Ursa whispered, as Zuko took a seat beside Azula's bed.

"There's nothing the Avatar could do," Zuko sighed. "This must be her decision."

"She may die before she makes a decision," Ursa worried.

"I know." The Firelord's eyes glittered like fractured glass beneath dim lamp light. "But there's nothing we can do."

"We should bring Ty Lee," Ursa decided, "if Azula doesn't make it out of this at least she'd have gotten to say goodbye. It's only right. Mai, Azula, and Ty Lee were inseparable after all."

"I'll send the message," Zuko promised, rising slowly from his seat.

Ursa watched him go taking Azula's cold fragile hand in her own, "whatever it is you're going through...fight it. You are strong."

**

Azula woke with a start. Her skin was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, her heart beat sporadically in her chest, and her hands began to shake. She was young again. How? She didn't know, but the way things seemed much larger than normal indicated a change in size. When one was small the universe was practically doubled in size. Not to mention her bed swamped her little form.

Panting and clambering down from the damp sheetd, Azula bolted from the room. Racing down the hall she staggered about a corner nearly knocking a servant clean off their feet.

The sound of bare feet slapping upon the ground echoed down the otherwise dark halls. At last, Azula reached the room she sought. Grasping the handle she nearly tore it from the hinges and sprinted inside.

"Azula!" Ursa gasped, turning away from the desk bathed in warm lamp light. "What are you doing up so late?"

Azula said nothing as she clambered into her mother's lap. She'd suspected her mother would be in the study. She always was at this time. Ursa, startled by her daughter's behavior, held Azula's small and quivering form with care.

Then, at last, the princess spoke. "I h-had a dream. It was so awful!"

"Shhh," Ursa ran a soothing hand up and down Azula's back. "What was it?"

"Father," Azula stammered, shaking her head as tears brimmed in her eyes again.

"What about him?" Ursa prodded gently.

"He-I was with him. He burned people. It was so awful. The smell..." Azula's bottom limp trembled and her eyes held a fear too intense for someone her age.

"Why? Why'd he burn them?" Ursa frowned, feeling a sense of dread settle upon her.

"He said that they were animals. A disease. That men did not belong with men. Women can't be with women. He said they deserved to die. For the nation. Because we can't produce true warriors with such-aw-awful..." The young princess' voice gave out. Ursa's hold tightened about her daughter. It had not been a dream. Azula had seen it that much she knew. Only, Azula was too young to process it and too young to understand. The dream came with an attempt to understand what had happened, but there was nothing for her to gain from such a scene.

"It'll be okay," Ursa promised," he can't hurt you like that."

***

He could if he only knew. Ursa noticed it well before anyone. Noticed well before her daughter even considered such a thing. It was all in the way she interacted with them. The way she seemed to open up like a flower once frozen over. How she bursted with energy the moment a young girl gave her attention.

Ursa knew Azula wanted nothing more than approval from her female peers, but Ozai had tainted her. Azula did not know how to act with them. They did not find her schemes funny. They did not find her skill profound. They did not care. Yes, the Firelord had made certain his daughter was incapable of establishing any bond with her peers. Her social strategies were molded specifically so she would be alone.

What was worse, Azula didn't even notice, and when those two girls came into her life it was nothing but future trouble for her. They somehow worked their way into the little princess' childhood and seemed to like her company, but the acrobat-she was the worst.

Ursa saw the way Azula gravitated to her. Saw how she desired every second of the girl's attention, and she knew, she knew then that Azula' s life would be a tragic one. Because Ozai could hurt her. If he only knew. But for now she was safe. Safe because even the little princess didn't know. But Ursa did and it saddened her because what could she possibly do?

"Mother!" Azula's voice brought Ursa from her well of thoughts.

"Yes, dear?" Ursa asked, studying her daughter.

"Ty Lee said you could time us to see who climbs the fastest," Azula glanced over her shoulder for approval and the acrobat gave a thumbs up.

"Alright," Ursa smiled thinly, "one...two..."

The two girls sprinted to a cherry blossom tree in a dash of wild arms and legs. Azula was swift, tactical, and everything her father had made her, but the acrobat had grace, balance, and flexibility. It was close, but Ty Lee won.

"Not bad," the acrobat grinned, hanging upside down from a branch, "but you're too stiff. You have to loosen up."

"How?" Azula demanded.

"Understand the tree. Know how it works. Be like the breeze in the leaves," Ty Lee smiled wiggling her eyebrows.

"I'm not going to hug the tree if that's what you're suggesting," Azula snapped. Ty Lee only giggled, laughing so hard she rocked back and forth on the branch.

"Princess, you wouldn't hug anything let alone a tree."

"Why do you say that?" Azula scoffed.

"You don't hug. But that's okay," Ty Lee assured.

"I do to," Azula glowered, before awkwardly hugging the upside down acrobat. "See?"

"Okay," Ty Lee giggled again, "maybe you do hug."

Ursa sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She was torn. There was no telling the influence that pink child would have on Ozai's masterpiece and the consequences that could follow. But for now, Ursa let her daughter play. Perhaps that would out weigh the inevitable suffering ahead.

***

"Again!" Came the sharp bark. "Again! Again! Again!"

Panting, Azula pressed the attackon her fellow student. He was knocked off balance, he was uprooted, and his ability to defend had finally gone. Leaping swiftly into the air and lashing out with her leg the boy was knocked to his knees. Landing, Azula peered down at him with sweat beading on her brow and loose strands of hair framing her face.

"Why do you hesitate?" The General growled.

"He's lost," Azula replied curtly, never once breaking eye contact with the boy.

"Finish him."

"What?!" Azula tore her eyes away to stare appalled at her teacher. The boy struck, knocking her flat upon the ground.

"In battle you kill or be killed," the General remarked with his clipped tone, "and there will be no second chances."

Snarling, Azula swung her legs acquiring momentum to stand upright once more. Hands ablaze she struck back at her class mate. All the while the General's voice echoed in the back of her mind.

"Should you hesitate you die. Should you hesitate you fail. Failure is not an option for this nation. We have come too far and taken too many risks to throw it all away. You must be stronger, wiser, and braver than any other bender on this earth. You must strike those down who stand in your way!"

With a violent kick the boy was knocked flat. Stooping down, Azula grasped him by the front of his tunic. Jerking him to his feet her fist was perched to strike. "Not bad little boy."

A thin smile flashed across the boy's face, and Azula meant her compliment. She'd gone unchallenged for far too long.

"Finish him!" The General snarled.

All too soon Azula was reminded of his presence. The presence of her father watching in the corner. "Strike him down."

Sweat slipped down into her eyes stinging them into blindness. Blinking furiously, she was tempted to let go of him to wipe at her face.

"You hesitate. Why?!" Came the demand. Suddenly, the General was beside her, yelling in her ear, demanding she do as he said, ordering her to listen. She didn't want to. The child didn't deserve to die. She recognized skill when she saw it and a proper strategist would never sacrifice such a person.

Still, the loud vibrato swarmed out the reasoning in her head. She couldn't think. He was too loud. Too overbearing. Pulse pounding, muscles aching, and heart hammering it was suddenly too much. The man needed to shut up. He needed to go away and leave her be. The damned noise was too much and one more second would split her skull.

With a violent cry she struck once, twice, and three times until her opponent no longer breathed. But then that bark was replaced by a laugh and her rage didn't stop. It grew because he was laughing, because he was laughing at her, and she hated him. Hated him all of a sudden. More than she hated anything else in the world.

Hated him for what she'd done. Hated him because he had power. That he had the power to tell her what to do and she despised it because no one told her to do something she didn't want to.

Wheeling about she struck fast and true. The look of surprise upon herTeacher's face was the last expression he made. When the thud of a second body hitting the mat a slow clap emerged from the corner.

Panting, Azula fell to her knees. Her body quivered from exhaustion and she could barely turn to see her father smiling proudly. "Very good Azula. Very good."

But it didn't feel good. It felt horrible. She felt horrible. "Thank you."

"Meet me in my office when this mess is cleaned and you've changed," Ozai hummed. "I think we have other plans to discuss."

"Of course," Azula nodded, and the waver in her voice was disguised by her heavy breath.

No sooner had Ozai left than she began to cry. She did not know why she was crying-only that she was.

***

"Are you okay?" Ty Lee frowned, sitting cross legged upon Azula's bed.

"I'm fine," the princess replied.

"What happened?"

"She slapped me," Azula spat, "and I don't know why I expected anything different. Who could love both son and daughter? Perhaps if he'd been a bastard child things would be different."

"Azula..." Ty Lee sighed, "why'd she hit you?"

"None of your business," Azula replied. "Now, I have studies to do. You ought to leave."

"I'm worried about you," the acrobat insisted.

"There's nothing to worry over!"

The sudden outburst sent a jolt through Ty Lee, "Azula-"

"I'm fine. I am fine. If I wasn't father would know."

Ty Lee sat there a moment before hanging her head and leaving the princess in silence. Of course, Azula was right. If anything was wrong with her Ozai would know. He would know and he'd fix it. He would make her perfect. Good as new. That's how it worked.

"Perhaps the blade should have burned through my heart," Azula spat, tossing the weapon to the floor. "Mothers only love your brothers. That's how the story goes isn't it? Mine anway..."

— — —

"She's been like this for how long?" Ty Lee frowned, having arrived two days after the message Zuko had sent.

"Nearly a week and a half," Zuko sighed.

"I can't believe it," Ty Lee shook her head and somehow despite her height she seemed impossibly small.

"Neither can I," Zuko admitted. "She seemed so strong leaving to go to sea. Having her return like this..."

"I can imagine," the acrobat agreed. When Zuko remained silent, Ty Lee moved hesitantly to her sleeping friend's form. She took the princess' thin veiny hand in her own giving it a faint squeeze. "I've never seen her so weak. So...vulnerable. It's frightening."

***

Rain pounded against the courtyard where Azula stood now resembling her true age and self. The drops came in slanting, stinging, and violent strikes. Overhead lightning cracked with echoing bursts of energy.

Blinking furiously, she tried to make sense of her surroundings but the only visual information she could collect came with the lightning .

"Daughter," The voice was one she knew well. Spinning about Azula tried to push aside the curtain of rain to find her father. "Why are you here?"

"I don't know," Azula stammered through chattering teeth.

"You do. It's because you have failed me," Ozai sighed, "otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"I haven't failed you," Azula protested, "I have done everything you have asked of me. I have done it all. Please, I haven't failed you."

"Don't grovel. You have and you know it!" Ozai snapped.

"Father," Azula trembled.

"Ozai, enough." Ursa interjected.

"Now she speaks! Now she appears!" The Fire lord spat, but Azula still couldn't find him amidst the downpour.

"She is a child!"

"She was never a child to you!" Ozai hissed, "She was never yours to begin with! You gave her to me!"

"I gave you nothing! You stole her from me the moment I held her," Ursa's voice quivered. "You made her what she is."

"A monster," Azula mumbled.

"Yes, child, your mother believes you're a monster," Ozai crowed. "But I am the one who corrupted you. The one who stole you. No, she gave you away."

"I did nothing of the sort!"

"You did!"

"I love her. That's more than you can say. I have always loved her. I only hate what you did to her. What future you stole from her," there was a fire to Ursa's voice.

"Stop," Azula could barely hear herself amidst their bickering, "Stop it. Please, no more. No more of this."

"Listen to me child," Ozai begged, "you know what I have done for you. What she neglected you for. For that boy who you call brother."

"Enough!" Azula's voice rang out like a gunshot. "Please. I don't want this. I have never wanted this! Neither of you have asked me how I feel. You fight these battles on my behalf and I have no voice over your thundering words!"

"You were never meant to," Ursa sighed, "You were always meant to follow. Me or him."

"I am a leader."

"You were never a leader child," Ozai snorted, "you followed orders. My orders. You built yourself a palace that came crumbling down on its own. You built an illusion about yourself. Twisted your own perception. You were never a leader-never in control to begin with."

"Neither of you love me," Azula whimpered, "I know that now. You love the idea of me. That's all you've ever cared for. What I could be-not who I am. Now, because of you, I am nobody. I have never been anybody."

"Azula-"

"No! You listen to me!" Lightning arched across the sky reflecting a violent and shattered gleam in Azula's eyes. Her emotions came tumbling in like tidal waves from out of the blue, "I am nobody. I have nothing, no love, no home, no family, and the only company for me is with my demons!"

"You have everything I have given you. What could you want aside from that?"  Ozai asked.

"I want nothing more than to die. I want to live in silence for the rest of my life away from you. Away from this family you have created. I want to waste away. To sleep until there's nothing or leap from the balcony and feel what's it's like to fly before I break. I love death more than I love myself," the princess' tears mixed with rain. "I can't be fixed. I-I close my eyes and I see you or mother. Your memories, the ones you gave me, won't leave. You have damaged me in ways I can't fix. No matter how badly I want to be someone. Someone I get to create I can't do it. I cannot escape my past no matter how far away I run."

"Darling," Ursa's voice was soft, "please don't talk like that."

"Oh shut up," Ozai sneered, "you can't win her now. She doesn't love us anyways so there's no hope left in your fight. At least her duty to me holds her in place."

"He's wrong. I love you," Azula croaked, "but I hate you so much. I hate you because you left me to love a monster instead. To love a man I call father."

"I never meant to hurt you," Ursa replied.

"But you did. You both did. And this life you want me to choose-I can't. I can't pretend nothing happened mother, but I can't return to the person you made me father. So I choose nothing. I choose this. Forever if I have to," Azula spoke firmly,  turning her face up to the rain, "and I will only leave when I have reason to. When I know that I have a chance. A chance at real life. A chance to stop hurting and wishing I was never born to begin with."

— — —

"Go," Ty Lee looked at Zuko who hesitated at the door. He'd been summoned to dinner. "I'll stay. You look exhausted anyways."

"Thank you," Zuko smiled kindly at his childhood friend.

When the Fire Lord had faded from view Ty Lee turned back to her friend. The silence was palpable. With a shaking hand the acrobat stroked dark and damp hair with slender fingers. It was strange seeing the ever poised princess looking like a skeleton. It broke her heart and she couldn't help but feel partially responsible for the state of Azula. They'd parted on bad terms which no doubt strained Azula's emotional and mental state.

"If you only knew how sorry I was," Ty Lee whispered, feeling her throat tighten. "I should never have left you then at the boiling rock or now. I never should have left you with your demons or with your monsters. You are strong but you are not strong enough to fight yourself."

Closing her eyes for the briefest moment the acrobat hoped that this was all a horrible nightmare. It wasn't. When she looked at Azula once more nothing had changed. Her complexion was paste colored, her face strained, her collar bone protruding sharply, her wrists impossibly thin, and her chest moving in small lazy breaths.

"Please, forgive me. Forgive me for thinking I could fix you when you weren't broken to begin with. Forgive me for hurting you when I tried to heal you. Forgive me for coming back when I should have stayed away." Warm tears travelled in lazy paths down the acrobat's cheeks falling upon the satin sheets leaving dark circles behind. "I should never have held you so close. Or pried you open when you weren't ready to let me in. You told me things I can't quite comprehend no matter how hard I try and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry they hurt you."

***

Forcing her eyes shut Azula willed the rain to recede. She wanted the scene to fade away into darkness. Darkness she could bear, but not this. Not this chaos.

"Help. Why won't anyone ever help?" She cried, sinking to her knees in the pooling water. "Why won't it all just go away?"

Shivering violently, the princess curled on her side letting the water wrap around her. Roaring rain and thundering lightning filled her head with strange rhythms. Her heart slowed and her eyes stared blankly ahead. It was as if she were waiting for something. Someone to pick her up and take her safely away from it all.

Safe. She wasn't familiar with the word. It had never been part of her vocabulary. Sure, it was a feeling, but had she ever experienced it? Only a few times.

The time Ty Lee accompanied her back to the dorms when some stupid boys were keen on flirting. The time Ty Lee stayed with her in the infirmary even if it ended poorly. The time Mai remained by her side during a school dance because everything was too claustrophobic. The time Zuko let her crawl into his bed at night when she was afraid. Even the time Lu Ten promised to fight off closer monsters for her.

"She will remain here until she chooses," Ozai's voice echoes in the background. "Me or you there is no other way."

"I won't force her hand," Ursa protested, "but you know she won't choose and there is no other option."

"Then prepare to spend an eternity here child," Ozai grumbled.

Azula covered her ears with shaking hands. She wouldn't choose. She wouldn't choose. They both didn't deserve the victory. There was no victory to be had. They'd destroyed her. Cut her into pieces and cast her out on the breeze. What could she do now but suffer? How could she please any of them? She would never please herself.

Then, as suddenly as the rain came it froze. Glittering drips suspense in the air like dazzling jewels. "There's a way. Not them. Not them. Me. It's me. I-I can pick me. I don't know who Me is but...that's okay. I'll be okay. Me hasn't hurt me yet. I've never picked Me. Never never never."

"What is happening?" Ozai scoffed.

"She's brilliant," Ursa laughed.

Hesitantly drawing away her hands, Azula rose stumbling from the puddles. She was uncertain, afraid, but her mind had been made up. "Me."

"What?" Ozai demanded.

"I pick Me. Not you. Not mother. Me. I don't know what it means, but I know it's good. I've never picked Me before so it can't hurt me. Not like you. You won't get a say anymore. Neither of you. You both made me and now I get to make Me. My choice. Not yours."

— — —

A shuddering gasp startled the acrobat from her thoughts. Eyes wide, she rose to her knees and peered expectantly at the princess. Agonizing seconds passed before dark lashed fluttered to reveal piercing gold eyes.

"Thank the spirits!" Ty Lee gasped, flinging herself across the fragile princess. "Zu-"

"Shh," Azula whispered, raising a trembling hand to silence the acrobat. "Not yet."

"What-"

"Let it be quiet," Azula rasped. "I haven't had peaceful silence in years."

The acrobat blinked for a moment before a thin smile replaced her confusion. She'd never heard Azula say she was at peace. Never heard the word uttered positively before. "Okay."

The princess smiled faintly, let loose a sigh, and closed her eyes once more. All the while she kept hold of the one hand Ty Lee had taken nearly an hour before. "You came back."

"I thought you wanted silence," Ty Lee laughed softly.

"Silence is still loud is it not? It can be quiet too," the acrobat caught the briefest glimpse of mirth in the princess' eyes, "now, why did you come back?"

"You're my friend," Ty Lee shook her head as if she couldn't believe Azula had to ask.

"I nearly killed you," Azula frowned.

"You've nearly killed many people," Ty Lee mused, "I'm the only one lucky enough to come back for more."

"Some would call if stupid."

"Would you?"

"No, maybe I would have. Not now," Azula decided, "I think it's...a sign of resilience."

"I can't place what's different about you but...I'm glad you're awake and at peace. Even if it doesn't last I'm glad you have a moment of rest," Ty Lee sighed, squeezing Azula's hand.

"I was put to rest," Azula's gaze flicked to the ceiling, "I finally greeted death after all these years and kissed life in return. I have gotten rid of all that I was and now there is only what I will be."

"And what will you be?" Ty Lee asked, struggling faintly to follow the princess' logic. She was certain in due time that Azula would explain her visions and spiritual journey but now was not that time.

"Me. I think I'll be...Me."

The acrobat watched as Azula smiled properly for the first time in years and it drew a smile to her own face. "I like the sound of that."

 


End file.
